Is there any hope for us?

[bustorama]

SoA,

Not clinging/pursuing/needing, 180's, GAL's are giant thumbs ups, I think.

I can tell you from my own sitch that any pursuing/clinging/needy/wanting behavior does NOT work in situations like ours. Time and space are your friends.

Validating your husband's hurt IF/WHEN HE BRINGS IT UP and telling him how sorry you are for hurting him may help. And taking responsibility for YOUR PART (but not ALL) of the deterioration of your relationship.

Taking amends in your life (whether it's IC or reading self-help books) to understand and prevent for the future why you engaged in EAs. IF YOUR HUSBAND EVER BRINGS IT UP, you could mention what amends you have taken/are taking in your life so that you will never engage in such behaviors again.

Ultimately, though, this is all about whether our spouse's decide it is something they can try to forgive -- whether they can decide the pain/risk of being with us may not outweigh the (potential?) benefits/happiness of being with us. I think that aAnything you do to try to force the issue while they are not ready to or are still angry/resentful will just backfire. This is why you need to focus on bettering and forgiving yourself. And to be ready for if/when your H might venture back towards you. Be PREPARED to validate your husband's hurt and be the best, happiest version of yourself you can be should he send feelers out to you.

Caveat that I may not know what I am talking about since I am still separated. BUT, things between my W and I are not as awful as they were a few months ago.