XH is marrying OW after only 5 months of D!!

[Beth 83]

Hi Lea,

Ugh, your story is so frustrating and annoying...I'm so sorry to read about it!

The advice I have for you is something I'm sure you've thought about but haven't allowed yourself to dwell on...Stop focusing your energy on your XH and the OW. It IS frustrating and his situation w/ the OW SUCKS. WITHOUT. A. DOUBT. Take some time (if you haven't already) and allow yourself to dwell on that. But then, realize how much energy you are GIVING HIM and THOUGHTS of HIM.

He. Isn't. Worth. It.

Lea...HE ISN'T.

OW CERTAINLY isn't worth it.

Let's talk more about co-parenting...how's that been going?

[ClingingToHope]

Lea, back to the step mom thing. After my parents divorced, my mom had a live-in boyfriend the first summer. She was married again within two years. When that ended she got engaged to another guy (I kind of helped scuttle that one), then she had a live-in boyfriend for about eight years before dumping him and marrying an online computer repairman about six months before she died.

I liked her second husband and the long-time live in boyfriend. But at no point did I consider any of them "dad." I had a dad. These were just guys around in my life.

Your Ex can say "we" all he wants. Your kids will always only have one mom. The OW will just be another person in their lives.

[soleil]

Figg's ring story is hilarious. I love that the new girl was walking around presenting it to her, like it was some big dea. Who honestly want's another woman's RING??? That speaks volumes about what a little twat that girl is/was. LOL. No self-respecting woman would show the ex her own ring and gloat over it.

Hahaha!

[lea74]

Totally agree - it screams stupid!!

I unfortunately had to sell my ring the other day. Had no choice as I had to pay some bills and XH wasnt paying maintenance (it starts this week). I was sad about it, but I knew I would never wear it again and it made me sad every time I looked at it. We bought it 15 years ago when we were young and scrimped all our pennies together to buy it. Ironically the gent who made it is still working at the jewelery store - I bet he never thought he would stay there longer than our marriage.

I have kept my wedding band though - thinking of redesigning it into something for myself.

[lea74]

Thank you all so much for the advise. Yes, you are all correct I do spend too much thinking about the XH and the OW - wasted energy I know.

I had actually being doing really well until the latest bomb. I have been with my XH since I was 14yr so this has been a huge life change for me. Actually I am really enjoying my independance and being able to make decisions for myself without having to check-in with someone else. Oddly I also now enjoy paying the bills - something I never did before.

I know it sounds sinister but I would like my XH and OW to feel a litle bit of the pain that my sons and I have had to ensure. Maybe XH does - he doesnt get to spend as much time with my wonderful sons as I do.

I was chatting to a frined of mine yesterday and she said that I am now queen of my castele - this is somehting I really like to picutre. Me standing at my front door with a gorgeous cronw on my head and a lovely robe - LOL.

[soleil]

^ Hey, Victoria's Secret has some nice silk robe, Lea!

[lea74]

Ohlala - I live in the UK so it will have to be LaSenza. Not as good as VS but still has some lovely silky ones.

[lea74]

So I have been thinking about this we thing that the XH keeps saying and how much it is frustrating me. I have been chatting to a friend and she has been helping me turn things on their head. So from now on when I talk about my sons with XH, I will use OUR SONS. So far, I have been told by XH that I need to accept her and I keep trying to force him to stop saying WE. I cant change his actions only mine. So from now on I will be saying our sons. I feel that this will help me 'stake my claim' so as to speak and stop being intimidated by them. I really feel that I am the third person (parent) here and I am tired of being pushed around by them. They are really good at intimidating me. I feel that by using OUR SONS, I reminding her that I am not going anywhere and she needs to accept that. In fact she is the diposable one. I will always be part of their lifes and she needs to accept that.

Not sure if this will cause me more frustration then anything, but I will give it a go and RECLAIM MY CASTLE!!

[lea74]

Warning warning!! Lots of moaning and complaining ahead.
So just found out XH is in Switzerland again with OW at her holiday apartment. So I know that I am not part of their life but I am the one here doing the school runs, homework, mending broken hearts, dinner, laundry etc, etc. And he is actually supposed to be visiting our sons tonight but has cancelled again – the 7th time.

Co-parenting I don’t think so. Does that mean that next weekend when they have my sons I get to go off to Switzerland too. Oh no, thats right I cant as I don’t get enough maintenance to cover a flight over there, because I have two sons to feed, cloth, home and prepare for a trip next week etc.

Wouldnt it be nice to just shrug off your responsibilities and go and find your own happiness at the cost of your family.

NO IT wouldn’t that is why I am on this board and he isn’t.
OK, complaining over. Going to put my gorgeous boys to bed. (Yeah he may be in Switzerland but I am here doing what I love best with our sons.)

((((( ))))

[lea74]

I sent XH an email this morning suggesting that we cancel thursday night visits as the last few have been cancelled (by him but I didnt point the finger). I said that I knew he would agree that we must give the boys structure and consistency.

Well I havent had a response as yet, which I find interesting. I was expecting a blasting email back. This is what I would normally have got.

Not sure if there was no response as I used a different tone than a usually do. I am always defensive with him and this time I tried to be calmer and be a parent (not the victim) or if he just doesnt care. I dont like to play games and I know that I always over analyse things so maybe I should just be grateful that I didnt get the usual ear-full.