Please help ASAP

[gutwrenching]

That is an interesting theory. Not sure what to think about that, because didn't experience that at all in sitch. My W also very intelligent/well educated and once she suspected I was catching on, she hid things well...and hid them better and better as time went on.

Regardless, this isn't about what he wants. It is about what you want. Do you want to catch him? Do you want to prove to him that you know of the A? Think before answering...there are pros and cons and only you can decide this. Others can give their opinions and those opinions should be considered, but this is your life.

When you expose even if just to H, everything is out in the open and that changes the dynamics of the "R" (or whatever it is at this point), it also could help end the high/adrenaline from the secrecy or could drive them deeper undercover which only increases that adrenaline (that's what happened to me) and in a way makes things worse. It will drive new feelings/emotions for your H, no telling what, but guilt could become an issue for him. It will also drive new emotions for you because you know and he knows that you know. So everytime you see him at work, you are not pretending or playing the game or hiding, you will have acknowledged that he cheated and he lied. Trust me, it will be different.

And no matter what, don't forget to always strive to be the best option by becoming a better/stronger person...

And continue to really, really work on detaching. I get the impression it is not easy for you, so you need to chip away at that a little bit at a time