I have just ordered the book so please forgive me if I have no idea on some things. For the past 2 days i have read this forum. alternatively relieved that I have found out WTH is going on and apprehensive about what has happened. Although to be honest I thought it was depression as 9 years ago I was the WAW due to post natal depression and his symptoms were similar in some ways but not all. His behaviour is more consistent with MLC.
We have been together 18 years. We have 5 children together. Looking back i spose there was an 18 month period before the bomb drop. In feb 3 weeks before bomb i felt him turn. Things he had always done just stopped. so I asked and was fobbed off. three weeks after i pushed again and was told ILYbnilWy it;s not you it's me.... no actually it is you, you left me 9 years ago... it was all my fault... 1 week later he was with someone else who was still married. 6 weeks after that he was and is living with her.
He is great with the kids. he has them every weekend.
He is here for tea 3 times a week. I refuse to involve the children in this they are not pawns to be played. Whether or not we reconcile I will be friendly.
His confusing behavour has been exacerbated by me. He started to flirt with me and I responded. And so I became the OW (but for this she will be OW). Not the best situation but for H he has never been into casual sex and it was always a way for him to be close to me. PLease note this was my choice and I don't regret it. I may want to change it now but I don't regret it.
I have detached somewhat as even when we ML I do not see this as him coming home. We have had some problems the last week or so. His OW found out about us as I had sent him an email unaware she had access to his account stating that we could no longer carry on the way we were.
So he told her whatever she wanted to hear and he is still there. he has told me he wants to come home but can't. And I actually get that from when I left, doesn't mean he will I know this.
I really need to read this book. LOL
I have some small goals. - when he says something to me to blame me I will say I am sorry you feel that way. I will no longer defend myself against his attacks (which are few and far between) - I won't leap to the phone or answer his texts promptly. - On the weekend when he takes the girls I will try and get out and try new things. Money is limited but I will do something. - I am going to start my hobbies again and if I truly find no joy in them sell the stuff and try something new.
OK any questions any advice besides the obvious don't ML with him again? Don't think it was the wrong thing to do maybe not helpful. I did not initiate in fact affection wise I have not done much initiating at all. If he shows I reciprocate but gently.
Ugh confusion reigns especially when the girls tell me in passing (I never question) how he acts around OW, which in some ways is worse then me as he at least tends to be respectful to me on front of our children.
It hurt alot and I would say pain will continue to pop up. With Xmas coming up there will be issues that I will need to deal with. Altho if it has been anything like other occurences he has been home. Mothers day he stayed, fathers day he stayed although it was his weekend to have them he bought them home as it is family stuff. Their birthdays he stayed. Anyway Ho everyone, maybe we can knock some sense into me hey?
