You haven't passed any tests. Matter of fact you failed the only test here that counted..
She told you months ago she hasn't loved you for the past ten years and she wanted you out of the house..
You’re right – that’s what she said among countless other things. It was during the nuclear fallout and I did not believe any of her words and only half of her actions.
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
You are STILL in the house and still trying and still not getting back much of anything. You are being the typical BS who thinks if the WS is saying nothing about the relationship then that means they have changed their mind...
Of course I'm trying and getting back what I've lost one bit at the time.
She has stopped lying. She has stopped hanging out with her “friends”. She has stopped shielding me from her family. She has included me back in her circle of mutual friends and coworkers. We have taken part of activities that she put all stops on before. We communicate much better than even before the bomb. I'm gaining back the respect that I had lost. She has been courteous and responsible. Her priorities are back in the right order.
We talk for hours instead of watching TV. I have taken an opprtunity to show some of the wisdom I have learned here and she has shocked me with some of hers.
If it was the same turmoil wchich it was 4 months ago I would definitely be out of the house by now.
I follow her actions not her words or lack thereof.
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
You are showing nothing but weakness by staying and not moving on without her. You continue to do what she wants when she wants. So no, you haven't passed any test that you think you may have passed. You are just fooling yourself. Your choice. However, the last thing we know is that she wants you out and she hasn't loved you for ten years. You should be basing your life on those statements. You aren't listening. Head in the sand. This will never change until you get some backbone and leave. Men who try to win women who tell them they don't like, love or are attracted to them are destined for failure in the end. I have seen it a thousand times and counting. You are fooling yourself.
And there is 40 some pages of my sitch since then. I don’t like Mexican soap operas or drama in my life. I post key points that I’d like people to comment on. I don’t just post them to hear what I WANT to hear. There is a lot more that has happened wchich I have not posted. Good, bad and the ugly.
You have focused on one thing only. While I agree that leaving and moving on is essential part of DB, but sometimes it does not require physical separation. If I had focused on leaving only I would have never learned what I have learned thus far. Namely how to read my W, what she likes and doesn’t. How to communicate better. How to know when to open my mouth and when to keep it shut. What makes her laugh and what bothers her. What do I need to do to make us both feel better about ourselves and each other individually.
I have let her go as she asked and I promised. That’s what she wanted. She did not want to be asked, grilled, contacted, guided, directed, reprimanded, quizzed and queried. I gave her the freedom and she became open, transparent, respectful, honest and willing to share her stories and doings without a single question or a query. I in return have complimented her for all of that and it only motivated her to do more of it.
How do you suppose my life would be if I was living in a small flat, drinking beer with two blonds having absolutely no wisdom how to deal with my currently broken R or any potential future R?
Do you think that my W would be sleeping on the doormat outside my flat tired from serenading all day?
That would make good material for a sitcom.
I prefer to learn something as I am growing out of immaturity. If it does not work the way you foresee, so be it. I’m okay with that. Either way I don’t need or want her to say “I am so sorry what I did, I love you from now on forever, blah, blah, blah.”
The wink, the smile, the touch, the eye contact, the vibe, the thoughts – these are indicators of where my sitch is going. I can’t be expecting for something that was broken for a year or two will be unbroken in months.
There is no single remedy for all the different sitch around.
Weakness is a subjective term better applied with more consideration.
There may be others who could benefit from a little beating.
Last edited by pookie69; 10/12/1004:35 PM. Reason: Wasting my grin edit
Nope. You aren't even close to correct on that statement. Sounds like that is what you want to believe I am focused on because you don't like what I said.
I have followed your whole situation. Haven't missed a word...
Quote:
I post key points that I’d like people to comment on. I don’t just post them to hear what I WANT to hear.
Quote:
Weakness is a subjective term better applied with more consideration.
There may be others who could benefit from a little beating.
So, "tell me what you think, comment on my posts. Don't tell me what I want to hear"
"Oh no, but DON'T tell me THAT and say THAT or say it like THAT"
Nope. You aren't even close to correct on that statement. Sounds like that is what you want to believe I am focused on because you don't like what I said.
I have followed your whole situation. Haven't missed a word...
Quote:
I post key points that I’d like people to comment on. I don’t just post them to hear what I WANT to hear.
Quote:
Weakness is a subjective term better applied with more consideration.
There may be others who could benefit from a little beating.
So, "tell me what you think, comment on my posts. Don't tell me what I want to hear"
"Oh no, but DON'T tell me THAT and say THAT or say it like THAT"
No.
You can tell me anything you want and I will listen and value your opinion.
Maybe you need to explain better why everything else I've done at this point weighs less than your single recommendation to leave immediately.
And why do you think there is no progress made and my W still sees me weak.
It's not that I don't like to hear what you tell me.
From your recent posts, it sounds like whatever you are doing is working. I'm sure there will be some adjustments to make on the fly, but it sounds good to me.
From your recent posts, it sounds like whatever you are doing is working. I'm sure there will be some adjustments to make on the fly, but it sounds good to me.
Just my $.02.
I would thank you for your support but then I would prove Gucci that I only hear what I want to hear.
But you are right. I'm doing what works. I listen here to the vets and modify the advice to suit my sitch. Everyone's spouse is different. I'm learning about mine as I go along.
I'll let Gucci explain his point why I should still move out after all that's been working for me. If the drama it creates is worth it then sure.
I just don't by the pig in the sack just because it's a proven tecnique for others.
Some people here take the advice, run home and implement it without understanding why it's a good idea. Some don't even give enough info on their sitch to have any armchair councelor a full picture to comment on.
I think I've been honest with myself my W and tried to post back the results of my efforts as neutrally as possible. Even when that would embarrass myself because I failed.
I want to learn and be an inspiration to those who pop in here to read.
I value everybody's advice equally but ultimately it is my choice to implement the advice. That means I need to fully understand why is it a good idea and how it fits into my ever changing dynamic sitch.
And why do you think there is no progress made and my W still sees me weak.
It's not that I don't like to hear what you tell me.
I won't jump into a lake just because you say so.
Interesting comment. I wonder why you didn't say "I won't go into a store that you are coming out of that you say has a gunman shooting at customers inside, just because you say so"... Interesting that you chose the "jump into the lake analogy..
A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
Your mind is made up. Your choice. Don't say I didn't tell you or warn you. I've seen your type of situation thousands upon thousands upon thousands of times.
And why do you think there is no progress made and my W still sees me weak.
It's not that I don't like to hear what you tell me.
I won't jump into a lake just because you say so.
Interesting comment. I wonder why you didn't say "I won't go into a store that you are coming out of that you say has a gunman shooting at customers inside, just because you say so"... Interesting that you chose the "jump into the lake analogy..
A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
Your mind is made up. Your choice. Don't say I didn't tell you or warn you. I've seen your type of situation thousands upon thousands upon thousands of times.
No, my mind is not made up. I just want to hear in more detail why you think that after all that has happened in my sitch, I should still proceed to move out at this stage.
I am not saying that it won't be necessary to draw conclusion to the sitch.
"Thousands upon thousands" alone is not convincing. There will be drama if I move and unnecessary stress for others who don't deserve that.
So please explain why everything I've done has been a failure.
