A "Mustang Guy" I know asked me some good questions and I'd like to get to them.

Originally Posted By: 'Mustang'

I am not seeing a direction for your focus.
What do you want ?
What are you trying to accomplish for you ?
Who is the man behind the mask ?
That is what is missing from your posts CD....at least for me. You haven't shown that side of you yet. I keep waiting for him, and he gets close, then he turns it toward laughter or something else stops him from saying what it is that he wants to say....

Tell me about the man....not the situation.

Open yourself up for the possibility to become better


These are HUGE questions. Quite honestly, I don't know if I even KNOW the answers.

I am a recovering "Nice Guy" from the external validations to covert contracts to repressed sexual shame.

I want to NOT be that anymore.

I want to be proud of me. I want to enjoy my life and get what I want from it. I want to be the dad that my daughter will love and remember warmly long after I am gone.

I want a successful career. By that I mean be paid what I am worth at something I enjoy. Is this job it? Could be. Not "Rock Star" but it's not stocking shelves at Mega-Mart either.

I want to be able to afford quality time with my friends and family. Don't need a Lear Jet.

Accomplish for me?
-A healthier CD. Dump the smokes; stay fit
-A healthier attitude. Dump the self-imposed stress. Enjoy each day and the people in it for what it is-temporary and fleeting. Optimism and self-respect.

The masks?
I've worn them for over 40 years. Not even sure if I know what I look like without all the guilt, filters, shaky self-esteem and fear that I grew up with. Digging for me is hard. Not sure where to look. My memories of me are all masks. Knowing that they are masks and coping strategies helps but......

So now what?
Devise a plan.

Goal setting.

Work out schedule-done (M, W, F)
Hobby availability-done (Hockey Sundays; Drums almost set up)
Smoking- I'll get back to you on that one.
Work-FOCUS on it when I'm there. If you're there, might as well make good use of it. More goal plans!!
Personal-more family, friend and D time. MAKE it happen. Doing a good job so far but I could use more.

Hope I find out who I really am while doing so. The decisions are all based on me now. My choices. What I choose should tell me a lot about who I am and what I value. My "core" as is so popular here.

I hope that answers something you were asking. Like I said, the questions are so large that I don't know where to start. And it's been so long since I knew me (free of lifelong habits and conditioned responses and masks) that it's all questionable.

I like the phrase "I wouldn't know XXX if I tripped over him". That's sort of how I feel about the real CD.