Early Parole from the MLC Chain Gang?????

[MHL]

MHL, do you think you are in the friendship stage with W?

GAG,
Yes, it is there however I backed off back at the end of July when she said she did not want me or the kids to get the wrong idea that she was working on the M. Of course at the time I think she was still involved with the OM. I am pretty sure she is done with the OM, but I am waiting for her to come to me so I have not done anything with her since late July. If she wanted to do something right now I am certain the friendship would flourish, the phone conversations are getting longer and longer, so that is where it is now.

Just asking because I have chatted with Jody (DB coach) a couple times about trying to move from friendship stage to the romance stage. What you did here (complimenting W in a very non-threatening way) sounds like exactly what Jody recommended. How did W react to your compliment?

I actually did 3 DB coaching sessions back in December/January and I had Cheryl. She said try "butterfly touches", a hand lightly placed on her back as I am openning a door for her, getting a peice of "fuzz/lint off her shirt, if we are sitting next to each other touching her arm when making a statement if I am calling her attention to what I am about to say....you get it, right? For us it moves slower than it normally would say with a new relationship.

She actually took the compliment well and then went on to say how long it takes for her to straighten her hair, so I focused on her hair and asked in a joking way if the streaks in her hair were blonde/or grey. She then cocked her head to the side and turned her head slightly so as to show me more of the back of her head and more of her hair. I took a little risk and touched her hair and lightly stroked her hair as I was commenting about the blonde/grey thing. She did not recoil or pull away, at that point we were standing very close to each other and I was pretty much a puddle on the ground...LOL!!

Jody also told me that I should start showing more vulnerability and share more information with XH to begin to create intimacy. Don't know if this makes sense in your situation, but it sounds as though your W might be leading you there.

Actually, I think it that she allows me opportunities to be nice to her in conversation and keep it light. I try to get her talking and keep her talking about her life, her feelings and what is going on with her. I don't try to hide anything just keep it focused on her. I think your approach with your H is spot on, but I believe your H is much further down the tunnel also.

It's interesting to me that you say that you have been cycling a lot lately (I do too and get frustrated with myself) because in your posts you always sound very centered.

I accept it and I move freely between my feelings at any given time knowing all the while that I will always come back to the one overriding feeling.......and that is that I Love My Wife.

I was riding back from picking up my D13 from soccer just a little while ago and I just got to thinking about everything my W has done and at the end of it all she misses the very thing she was running from in the beginning. (Being a soccer mom, living in suburbia, cookouts with the neighbors, yard work, house work, homework, etc, etc, etc.) Yeah, I got pissed at her for about ten minutes but I knew in the back of my mind that I still love her and will always come back to that everytime.


Thanks for the compliment, I am not sure that I have it all in perspective but I will say I have "myself" in perspective. The growth for me has been to acknowledge that I am an "emotional" being and I have "feelings" but I am not ruled by those emotions any longer.

If that is my "center" then so be it, "I am centered".

When I read your post I couldn't help but imagine those toy figures from Fisher Price so many years ago, Wibble Wobbles. I remember the tag line......

Wibble Wobbles, wobble but they don't fall down!!!

My emotions and feelings may push me to one side or the other but I no longer fall down, I always bounce back up to the "center".

Cheers