Hmmm…….So is your advice safe then? Ha ha ha ha ha
Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
not a day goes by where i wonder .. how the heck did we get to this point? i've never hated someone so much as to not say a word to them. not even a hello.
I wonder that a lot myself. I thought we were forever. Our friends can't believe this is happening. To them, we were one of the best couples they know. We seemed like best friends. I don’t hate her, but I don’t want to be her friend either. I’m not sure if that is from a punishing her or self-preservation standpoint. If she doesn’t want me, I’m out and finding someone else to spend my emotions on.
Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
Quote:
We will basically be starting over again in our mid 40's.
the way i see it, i'm picking up from where i left off. to say that i'm starting all over again, implies that i failed. i didn't choose this. i didn't fail. he did.
I meant starting over from a financial perspective. We will have no equity to roll into a new home. We will likely both be renting for a while trying to save-up down payment money. It will be like buing a first home again.
Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
this is unfair. i feel for you. i don't know why the lbs ends up paying for something they didn't ask for. what is her justification for the amount of cs she is requesting?
The CS is based on a state formula and the amount of money that she makes. The less she makes, the more I pay to be able to maintain the kids lives. The Alimony/Maintenance is a wild card and depends upon the judge in the case. My L says her rule of thumb is ½ the length of the marriage and split whatever income is left after the child support 50/50. In my case that is 7 years and also dependent upon how much she makes. However, the judge can do as he sees fit, so who knows what will happen. She originally said she would waive the maintenance if I would let her have the kids, but I told her that I wasn’t going to sell my kids for maintenance. I guess her justification is that she needs to work part time so she can continue to do what she has always done for the kids. They are 9 and 11 and don’t need to have their hands held anymore IMO. Unfortunately, everyone will suffer some loss from this D and they are no exception.
My line on this one is: She continues to get the benefit of my $ because of her investment in the marriage, but what do I get for MY investment? Is she going to come over and clean my house? Is she going to get on her back a couple of times per week? Why does anyone, especially the WAS, continue to get benefits from a dissolved marriage. Like I said, I will willingly pay for my kids, but not for her. This was her choice.
Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
Quote:
Hang in there U Sexy Thang. I know you are strong. I will read-up on your sitch, but I don’t know if I will have good advice to offer or not. I may not be so good at this myself.
i'm just mad. but for some reason, reading your response to me .. made the anger simmer down a bit. my family is concerned about my mental state. and at first, i was too. i lost my appetite again. the anger is overwhelming.
i'm tired of being strong.
UST.
I am tired too UST, I am tired too. I’m glad you simmered down a bit and I hope I can help you in the future. It sounds like you are financially stable and don’t have kids to worry about, now we just have to find out how to combat the anger. You have to let it go. You are your own wonderful person and you can have a GREAT life without him. There are millions of other men on the planet if you want to take another chance. It will be hard to ever totally commit again, but I’m betting that it can be even better with the next one, as long as we learn from our mistakes. Breathe deep. Enjoy the Fall. It is my favorite time of year. Find things that you enjoy doing. I have spending a lot of time with friends and it has been wonderful. My anger and sorrow are mostly gone now. Sometimes I even feel sorry for HER!
