Trying to care

[FaithnAK]

Thanks True and Eric

Eric, I will admit that tonight I'm really trying to give back on the board, but it hit me pretty hard a little bit ago that I feel very sad and guilty.

The looking within myself as to where I really F'd up just makes me feel this way. I'm not going to dwell on the feelings or beat myself up, but I'll admit them.

[ericmsant2]

Faith

I will tell you not to beat yourself up BUT your going to do it anyway.

What I can tell you is that admitting your role is a very important step. If you did not see where you failed, well then ya can't fix it.

If your anything like me then you are going to try and PUSH yourself to be PERFECT. AND you will want to be perfect NOW.

I can tell you that you will not be perfect. You never will. That is God's job not yours.

You job is simple....

Be the MAN (not God)...that you want to be.

Your steppin dude...keep it up.

Oh...and in a few days/weeks when you begin to doubt yourself..I want YOU to know that I BELIEVE in YOU and will be here to push your as*. Now go have beer will ya.

Eric

[FaithnAK]

I'll be okay.

Just feeling it through.

Thanks in advance for the pushing and Thanks for believing.

Beer has kinda been the problem so I took tonight off Have one for me.

[dl443322]

Hiya Eric!

Faith, this is hard stuff. Not just the marriage part, but the looking inside part, too.

You are on the right path but be prepared. It aint always easy looking at ourselves without blinders on.

But, this is an opportunity you might not have ever gotten if all this hadn't happened.

Figure out the stuff about yourself you want to change. Then figure out ways to change them.

It's all a process. But, I promise you, if you stay the course, you will come out the other side being the person you were meant to be.

So, slow and steady. Dont be too hard on yourself, but be honest.

You can do this.

[pinhead]

Faith,

You gave me some great insight into my sitch yesterday. Change hurts, stretching, growing, making mistakes. You're doing great. We're not walking on coals, we're learning about ourselves, the good and the bad. I wouldn't trade the last four months for anything. The best of times and the worst of times...

Hang tight

[ericmsant2]

Hey Faith,

You wanna see some anger, some pain, some really funny chit? Wanna see J3B ride someone? Go pop over to my thread and read the "struggling with hope" thread.

Eric

[FaithnAK]

Hey Faith,

You wanna see some anger, some pain, some really funny chit? Wanna see J3B ride someone? Go pop over to my thread and read the "struggling with hope" thread.

Eric

I read it. It's rediculous at how some of my posts say the same damn thing and if they don't say it, the feeling was and still is there.

I'm struggling right now. Struggling bad. I'm trying to do the right thing and I'm trying to change the old behavior in myself, but my old behavior matches the detachment process. A 180 for me is NOT to detach...How the FUKC do I do this?!

I F'd myself over and now I'm reaping what I sowed. What a MESS!

[ericmsant2]

Faith

Breath.....

Take a deep breath...

This chit hurts dude and you are feeling it.

I'm struggling right now. Struggling bad.

Your struggling because IMO...you are starting to "see"..

I'm trying to do the right thing and I'm trying to change the old behavior in myself, but my old behavior matches the detachment process.

Dude I was the same WAY....same fu*king way man. I checked out emotionally in my M waaayyyyy before the bomb dropped.

So I thought that one of my 180's would be to contact her show her love. I can tell you that it will not work.

Do you know what you are trying to do?

Fix HER

You can't

Accepting that is the hardest thing that you will need to face (okay maybe not the hardest BUT hard)..

I'm reaping what I sowed

Are you? OR are you realizing where you failed in the M.

Did you cause your W's crisis?

Guilt my friend is a useless emotion!

Man the f*ck up!

You can do this chit - dude.

And don't tell me you can't.

What are you a puss?

Feel this chit, then let it go. You just started this process dude so repeat after me....

F it...raise your right hand place the other on a bible and repeat...

I can CHOOSE to quit....

Just NOT today!

Tomorrow my friend is another day..

I'm standing with ya...

Your not alone...

Now, do me a favor...go for a run, (or my fav) rub one out, do something dude to keep your mind occupied.

I know it's hard dude...I know...

Once again....man the fuc* up!

Eric

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I'm trying to do the right thing and I'm trying to change the old behavior in myself, but my old behavior matches the detachment process.

Maybe...but there is a big difference between ignoring someone because something better is on TV (for example), and purposfully not entangling yourself in someones drama, ignoring their bad behaviour and/or disrespect toward you.

Dettach doesn't truely mean ignore, dettach to me, always meant trying to remove or protect your emotions from them and their actions.

I am dettached about the miners trapped underground. I feel bad for them, but I am not emotionally invested. I'll be happy when they get out, but I won't be dancing for joy.

[FaithnAK]

Do you know what you are trying to do?

Fix HER

You can't

Are you? OR are you realizing where you failed in the M.

Did you cause your W's crisis?

Guilt my friend is a useless emotion!

I can't fix her. I'm not trying. This I am clear on.

I'll say it again...I KNOW WHERE I FAILED IN THE MARRIAGE...that is the damn problem.

I do believe my "crisis" actions led me to detach from my W and triggered her "Crisis".

Am I responsible for how she chose to handle her "Crisis"? NO I'm trying to FIX my role, ME MYSELF AND I.

Guilt is NOT useless! If I didn't feel guilt I wouldn't be trying to fix myself and she would be bouncing off a curb.