LOL. It is human nature to mind read. Hard not too. And I'm no good at following my own advice on that topic.
The ball is in your court. You can be in control.
Now that being said, I don't think there is ANY chance of reconcilliation while he is still involved in an A...EA or PA.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I agree. He is not going to recommit to the marriage with someone else in the picture. That being said, JoAnn really advised me to keep showing him my 180... which is easy because I like the new me. Finally back in great shape and am addicted to my motorcycle... put on 100 miles on Saturday alone!
Continuing to be nice to him is hard. But I do try to concentrate on where he is coming from. He was incredibly hurt and dejected while I have been in this residency...no excuse for an A I agree...but it must have been very painful for him- I keep telling myself this as his behavior is so freaking erratic. If only the UFO would bring him back...urgh!
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
I struggle with trying to figure out if I should "go dark". When does one implement this? Pros: he will finally see what it is like to live without me Cons: he will forget my good qualities and only remember the bad, making it easier to walk away! He is very good at just saying "Fine", and walking away from things in life at times, even if he knows he will suffer. He is an expert wall builder. Any wrecking balls out there?
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
All WASs are expert wall builders. I don't know how you go dark if you work together. Truly going dark would also clearly tell eveyone at work that you two are splitting...so think about that
I think you can gain the same effect by treating like some random co-worker/acquaintance. You don't go out of your way to talk him, you don't look at him or see how he is doing, if you pass him in halls. Ignore texts, emails, phone calls if at all possible
And most important is detaching which is very hard. But you need to work at it.
As far as forgetting your good qualities...he's more than likely erased many of those from his mind already. The WAS tends to re-write history to justify their actions especially when there is an EA/PA
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
He is very good at just saying "Fine", and walking away from things in life at times, even if he knows he will suffer. He is an expert wall builder
SOunds like you fear losing him.
Quote:
And most important is detaching which is very hard. But you need to work at it.
A must.
Conquer your fear by taking it head on. Know that you will be fine w/o H in your life.
Get busy, be interesting and mysterious. You have to make your H feel he's losing you.
ENJOY YOUR PICNIC!
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
...Of course I fear losing him, right? Why else would I be here???... Ok, that was my true initial response to your post... I get where that is not helpful in this situation. You are right, I need to get even busier on myself...
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
You can't let fear run your life. I completely understand how you feel. I too was once where you are.
It's not easy knowing that everything you worked for in life is being torn apart by someone we love.
Now you can decide to watch it all crumble before or you can choose to improve yourself and do what's right for you.
We all have choices every day.
Save herself first before you try to save your M. It's a whole lot easier once you are happy who you are.
You can do it.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
You can't let fear run your life. I completely understand how you feel. I too was once where you are.
Me too...and I agree you can do it and still possibly be a success story some day.
Remember, long process, take small steps, become even stronger
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I just want you all to know that I am really thankful for all of your support. It has made a significant difference to my recovery of this awful trauma.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
