Okay, acknowledging that my absense of anger at present may be just a passing phase. Acknowleding that Eric is right and having some positive reaction/reinforcement of my ego by other men does make me feel there is life after H. Feeling that my life at this time is totally about me, the kids and the grands.
Acknowledging that he doesn't know what he wants right now, but he sure doesn't think he wants me. He is pushing the divorce, not me. I can fight it, at great legal and emotional expense, or I can Let Him Go.
Punkin,
Acknowledging all of these things is very good.
DB is not simply about "letting go". DBing is honestly and truly about healing.
We can let go and still feel the negative feelings. In fact, that is really how most people "let go". With anger, frustration, and eventually regret.
No one is saying that you haven't made steps since you came here...
You have, but you can't stop now. At least, you shouldn't...
Not for your H, but for you Punkin...
Living with the anger, just underneath the surface, will eventually effect you. You could end up finding yourself having a short fuse with the grands and others. Or just end up being very depressed...
DBing is not just about a 180 or GAL. It honestly and truly is about healing.
And it is something that is a useful tool for us to carry for the rest of our lives.
Have you let go? If you are still getting frustrated by the contact, then not as much as you think.
I see you saying you aren't angry for you, but angry for the kids and grands. Are you projecting?
Several months ago, for a very brief time, I forgot all that I know about DB. Something happened, that made me very angry. However, I denied it. I said, "Oh no, I understand. It is ok."
It bubbled just underneath the surface for about a day and a half. I cried at the drop of a hat, didn't sleep well, and refused to acknowledge it. And then, I was told, "justifiable anger should be acknowledged and directed at the correct target."
Well that was all it took for me to feel it. To realize and remember that it is OK to be angry. It is HEALTHY to feel the feelings, good and bad, and it is NECESSARY. If I hadn't, I would still be denying that something had happened and that to ME it was a big deal. I wouldn't have dealt with it, and it would continue to be affecting the R it involved.
Instead, I dealt with it. It does not and will not have any bearing in the future.
Punkin, you may not feel it right now and that is ok. But we all SEE it. We will be here when you decide to let it out.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
