I think it works like this. We have no control over other people, so we can't actually demand anything from them. They are free to meet our requests or not. But if they don't, we don't have to have them in our lives. It's boundary setting.
E.g. the friend who never brings cash, always needs you to cover her at group dinners and is flaky about paying you back. You CAN expect her to bring cash, but you'll be disappointed. But you can also tell her that you expect her to either start bringing cash or pay you back timely and if she doesn't, there can be consequences (maybe you aren't friends anymore, or maybe you just refuse to cover her anymore).
It's the same here. You can't demand that he do these things, but someone who is living with you and sleeping with you should help out. If he wasn't, then it would be okay to say he needs to go somewhere else LOL.
Where expectations get us into trouble is when we expect others to fill all our emotional needs, when we get demanding and clingy when they don't meet our expectations instead of asking for what we want knowing full well that they can say no if they so choose. It's okay to ask for things.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
