Yes, Lotus, it's sad that things have taken a turn for the worse. Here I was posting on your Retro thread that things were progressing. (I do agree that Retro would be good if OW is gone.)
Is he willing to do the No Contact/Transparency, etc...??? I don't know yet, quite frankly. I mentioned the other night he would have to get rid of her if we are going to even begin to try to work on things. I have waited on the no contact/transparency discussion. Not because I'm not willing to enforce that, but I am gathering my emotions. Not only that, but am trying to gather more intel as well. I would like to see if I can get concrete proof of some things and don't want to tip his hand.
As a sidenote: I THOUGHT I had forwarded all the emails/msgs to myself from his blackberry. Unfortunately, they did not go through and I have no idea why! It was 3am and I was pretty distraught when I did it...so...no wonder. It's just so aggravating! I did delete the sent msgs from his phone to me, but they still should've gone through and just deleted off his phone. Who knows. Of course, I could still bluff and say I did so and he wouldn't know they didn't go through - if I need to say I have them.
Gritter, this leads me to your point: I've detached quite a bit but not enough, I'm sure. Yes: I need to enforce the boundary I set down months ago. Do I believe he fully knew the expectation of it? Well, he should have but I was not cut and dry (you do A and B will be the consequence) but I did say I would not live in an open marriage.
So yes, I need to enforce. How? Is the only way to enforce at this point to kick him out? The only softer option I see is demanding the No Contact letter/transparency, etc...
Last night I spent several hours gathering myself together away from home - in a dang parking lot nonetheless - so I would not explode and just tell him to get the H out. Mainly because I want full control of my emotions - and better evidence if I can get it - before broaching this.
In any case, before I invest any further in this R, H would have to get rid of OW once and for all and be totally open and honest.
What am I prepared to do if not assured it can be saved? I don't know. At this point I am prepared to protect myself from further harm from this man and not to put myself back in the position of him hurting me over and over. That's all I know for sure.
Is H in MLC? He's in some kind of crisis, that's for sure. I will read more into that info but right now I'm not sure I care anymore about what he is going through. What about what I'm going through? What about the pain he has willingly inflicted on me and the pain his actions have caused to our 3 children, and the example set for our 2 teenage sons esp.??? This isn't just pain talking - this is my gut saying I have to do whatever it is that I can do to protect my children and try to teach them this is not healthy behavior. I have this righteous anger in me that is burning that he has modeled this cr@p to these innocent kids at such a vunerable time in their lives. I'm not sure what to do with that at the moment. Well, except to channel it into healthy behavior for myself. I'm not sure how to undo this damage it will cause the kids in the future and that is extremely upsetting to me. I know history tends to repeat itself and I'm very worried for my boys. (At least D19 is off at college, so not as exposed. Although, I know that does not mean no repercussions to her.)
