Yep, my W thought I was emotionally unavailable. Had shut herself down to me because of it. So if I had just filed the day after the bomb, her impression of me would have been reinforced. So there are some similarities. I pursued far too much.
But I think that you still need to detach John. Really detach from the outcome. Create a plan B. Think about everything involved in making it a success. It will give you a huge amount of comfort to know that you'll be okay with Plan B. That your son will be okay. It'll help you detach from her, and you'll lose this franticness that's a hallmark of your relationship.
I've looked at apartments. Done the budget for two households. Figured out custody. Decided on what I'd want and need from the house. Thought about what I'd do with the extra free time.
It's not what I'd prefer my life to be like, but I'm good with it if things don't turn out the way I'm leading. In some ways my life would be markedly better.
What I would do when the phone call is done between your wife and your son is to simply say to your wife, "Okay, we'll be here when you call tomorrow night. Have a good night." then hang up. If she wants to talk more, tell her your busy. She'll get the hint eventually.
Make her feel the loss. In a gentle, loving way. Empathy is the key to Doing the Right Thing.
