Sunny

Going dim, dark, No contact is a tool for detaching.

It is a boundary of sorts so you can get to a better place.

This is harder when you live with your H.

It is not done as a tactic.

No contact is really not an option if he lives in the house.

Your goal should be live your life as if he is not coming back.

You laid down a boundary and he crossed it. As long is you believe he knew what your expectation was for the boundary and feel he understood it

Then

Enforce it.

Now

Think about what it looks like when you will consider starting to work on the M.

What would he have to do?

And. This is the big one.

What are you prepared to do for your M if you are not assured it can be saved?

You should look at the MLC resource to see if you think it applies.

I do see confusion in your H and that is one of the elements.

Regardless. My advice is the same.

My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am