# 72 - Could be better, could be worse...

[kat727]

I got all stressed out with you for a moment. Good job being your own advocate and getting it done. Big hugs!!

kat

[Kalni]

Thanks guys, the last couple of weeks, my friend was diagnosed, Kat had that "thing", my dad is dying, I felt like it was bound to hit closer, you know?

[kat727]

Just remember they cut my cancer out so now it is gone. I am good. Good lesson to follow up even if you are scared of the answer.

love ya, kat

[mishka422]

Good job getting that done immediately Maria. It's so scary to think that he was so willing to just do surgery without further testing. That's got to be malpractice.

Hugs to you Maria!

[Generosity]

Hi K,

That's one thing I learned with my father's Big C...you must be proactive or there's a good chance you're going down.

Good for you that you went the distance right out of the gate...you're a strong woman & worthy of respect!

I'm knee deep in legal wrangling (sp?) at the moment & will be more available when I come up for air.

Sunny

[AliSuddenly]

Hey K..I'm sorry about your friend, so it turned out to be stage III, was she the one with the good family and lovely kids? Thats very sad that she didnt get to see a specialist.

As for you.. yes I panicked there with you for a moment! Sounds like you have a private system there where you are free to go see a different doctor of your choice? Anyway I am so glad you are all clear!

I was also twice told that I had a lump in my breast.. 3 years they told me I had a lump and needed ultrasound, mamogram and needle biopsy.. turned out there was no lump! Second time was this August.. I was referred again for a lump to the breast cancer clinic and went through all the worry and again.. no lump. So I turned down the mamograph this time! I know that I have 'lumpy' b()()bs now and this can confuse some doctors. And its great that H was there to support you, yay !

I cant understand why your original doc would reccommend a parial tissue biopsy op without ultrasound and mamographic evidence and even needle biopsy, thats terrible, you should write and complain!

Oh and yes, the poet.. I kept saying dont I, if you read my emails during my A you would swear I was madly in love, but when I looked backed and reflected on it, it wasnt love, it was a huge mistake. I hope you believe this now, because H does keep telling you he never loved her. Hugs and glad you are ok.

[Kalni]

I am thinking of sending H's CV out so that he can get a night job. Coming home and finding him here has really changed my routine and it...bothers me! LOL He is nervous, he is funny, he wants to go on a shopping spree. CHANGE. H hates changes. It was one of the reasons that made me believe he wouldnt change "us", our "team".

My dad is getting worse and now, he wants to fight. Obvioulsy he feels he is drifting away but the sitch is not reversible. I tried to warn my mom. She said she knows...

Reading saffie's post on forgiveness reminded I am still ways away from feeling OK. I go back and forth a lot. I am not consistent and not ready to let go yet. I still have visions of confronting OW and feel constantly threatened.

We havent made love for 3 weeks. We snuggle and hug and kiss but ever since I told him I am missing something, he backed off completely. Honestly, I dont care much.

Coach once posted to someone that if you dont get a second honey moon you are not piecing. I never got mine and if I did, it wasnt noticable.

Sometimes I think my negative nature is all that gets in the way. Sometimes I feel there is a moment that I need to trust and I get over it shutting off, in the sense of "dont care what he feels/does/thinks" etc.Our progress has been one step forward, two back. You dont get very far that way.
K

I am alive and my kids are great! Work is hectic but OK and winter is almost here. All good things.

[BobbiJo]

Well although you wanted him to work less I am sure it is strange to have him suddenly around so much more....one thing I thought about if I had ever been able to R with Dan is what it would be like to get used to having him around so much again...you have gotten used to living single much of the time with him at work. However with time I think you will get used to it! I have heard similar things from women when their husbands retire and they are suddenly around all the time.

Glad the health scare was resolved, I am sure it was terrifying until you knew the full story...

[john210]

slow progress is better than no progress....or even quick progress (but what the hell do I know).

3 weeks eh??? hmm...maybe you should stop being so honest....
something missing??? What possible good can come out of you telling your spouse that something is missing? Unless of course you can articulate what that is. Oh Maria, what are we gonna do with you? LOL

Hang in there!

Un abbracio affetuoso....wish I can say winter is a good thing over here....

[AliSuddenly]

Ha John, yes give me a Greek winter any day !!

K, I am sorry your Dad is very weak, but is there no hope, it sounded positive that he wants to fight? Could alternative therapies help him? What about Reiki? A raw food diet? Faith? What is not reversible if the cancer has receeded? Sorry to ask, I just wanted to understand what you are going through, it must be so hard I cant imagine.

Funny that H is getting under your feet and spooking you with his prescence! I bet the kids are loving it though