It sounds odd (and I've had some people mention it, too) but I am beginning to feel like myself again. The new skin is getting comfortable and I'm actually enjoying myself most days. Certainly more optimistic and worry-free. Taking days "as they are" and not stressing out of "outcomes and expectations"applies to more than just my M. And it's really helping. I don'y "sweat the small stuff" anymore. I still don't like the off-weeks without D2 but sneaking in to see her at dayhome helps.
CD, It is great to discover yourself again and getting back to the person that you liked being. The thing that is "odd" is that it is "odd". That is the whole crux of the matter isn't it really. It has been so long since we have felt like ourselves that we have gotten "used to it".
It is hard to remove the definition of who we are within the context of our marriages, because for far too long the marriage "defined" who we were.
You used to be a "husband" that likes to play the drums......
Now
You are someone who likes to play the drums and happens to be married. (yes, you are still married)
That is not to say that playing the drums is more important than the marriage but YOU define YOU within the M.
Our spouses suffer from the same affliction/mistakes but instead of looking inward to find that "definition" they are still looking outward to someone else's definition of who they are. That is why most affairs fall apart b/c eventually they realize that they that the other person "idea" of who they are really isn't that important or meaningful.
Originally Posted By: CD Bear
the only thing I haven't figured out is what all the above says about me and my DB work. I don't know if this is where I'm supposed to be. It comes down to this and I've said it before- Is it working for me? Yes. Is it busting the A or the D? No
You are right where you are supposed to be and doing the things you are supposed to be doing. What is changing for you is the "Why" you are doing these things.
CD, when you came here your actions were solely focused on saving your marriage and busting up the affair. Then you moved into getting yourself in order, the "working on you" and again the purpose was to save your marriage.
You are still working on you but you are doing these things for YOU now, and while you want or desire to save your marriage that is secondary to saving yourself first.
Originally Posted By: CD Bear
Oddly, last night I was struck by a thought that diturbs me a little. I was overcome with the feeling that maybe I'm not as different as I think I am. It's unnerving to doubt your own sincerity. I'm gonna have to think about this some more. I may only be doubting how "ingrained' the changes are but it bothers me.
This is great right here ^^^^^. This where you are working on making the changes permanent. Go easy on yourself CD…..remember this stuff takes TIME.
You are a quick on the uptake but some of this takes a long time to become part of who we are. Allow yourself that time.
Good to see your post.
Hopefully that trip to the more southern latitudes next week will help things…..
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
