You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

I've been thinking about what Drew, Awest and others have posted. It's kind of a dilemma. I didn't really start making progress of letting go of the rope until December when I switched the schedule so I didn't have to go to "the house" every day and I didn't have to see STBXW every day.

Once I got the kid-exchange down to where I didn't have to interact with STBXW I started to feel a lot better. I know perhaps I'm going too far at times to avoid her.

But I'm making progress this way. I'm getting my finances back in order. The memories, good and bad are fading. The time I'm with the girls are just about them and very rarely do I think about what STBXW is doing. When I do, I care much, much less. I'm actually looking forward to finishing the D and really moving on.

The truth of the matter is if there weren't kids involved, I'd cut ties with her completely. I don't miss her as a person. I know I can't do that though. I'm just trying to figure out a way to deal with her as a parent while still moving forward.

Last year, we were talking a lot and STBXW liked that. But I thought this would all work out between us. Once I gave that hope up, things just changed for me. The DB counselors encouraged me to keep talking ... that each interaction was another chance to rebuild the relationship. Now, that just seems weak to me ... like a puppy continually looking to be patted on the head.

All of this takes time. And a lot of things have taken me a lot longer than I thought it would.

[v1olin]

Ohhh mannnn, do I ever know what you are talking about! This puppy is done with getting his head patted! My ex has jerked me around like this since we were teenagers!

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling -- Text late last night from STBXW. D11 is sick (possibly strep) and D8 isn't looking so great. She'll take Tuesday off and can I take Wednesday off because she "can't afford" to pay the after school sitter to come over for the day.

I texted back yes on Wednesday (I can bring a computer home and work from there) and then reminded her to call the school to make sure D8 is dropped off at the house.

I did glance at the house today coming in to work and the "For Sale" sign visible from the main road is gone. The meeting between the Ls is a week from today.

[ClingingToHope]

Hey, weird thing. I had a dream I was talking to a friend -- can't remember who -- and a lady came over and started talking to me. I looked up and she said, "you know me, I'm Kat from divorcebusting."

No lie.

This site is invading my dreams.

[smith18]

I've heard about dream stalkers before.

"I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours"

[ImprovedRomeo]

I've had that happen too but I ain't sayin' who

Sorry to hear D11 is sick...it's the worst when the kids get sick and then we get sick from them. I usually up my vitamin C intake and it helps sometimes.

Goodluck with the L meeting- everytime there's some L related progress I become so restless.

[soleil]

Okay CTH so now you have to describe how Kat was in your dream and she can tell you how right/wrong you were in her descrption.

Also, this gives me a chuckle because Kat's siggie is "if you dream it, it could happen." LOL!

L stuff SUCKS but gets you 1 step closer to the new chapter(s) in your life

[v1olin]

I love the name Kat!

[ClingingToHope]

I can't remember what Kat looked like -- honestly -- I just remember what was said. My dreams usually fade quickly. The few STBXW ones have been vivid and memorable. Those aren't happening often any more.

Soleil, I'm not very worried about the L stuff -- maybe I'll be more anxious next week. Right now, I'm tired of being in limbo.

I am guessing if there's a proposal made it'll contain several things outside of normal agreements that I'll object to just because STBXW's lawyer isn't very good and just tosses in stuff he and STBXW think of. Half of the original divorce filing was gobbledygook that STBXW's L abandoned as soon as my L told him that wasn't standard practice in divorce agreements.

A friend from my church group is a lawyer and just started doing family law (divorces). She asked who my attorney was and when I told her she said "great choice." When I told her who STBXW's attorney was, she threw her head back and laughed.

She said, "tell your wife if she really wants to get divorced she needs another attorney. He'll never get it done."

[ClingingToHope]

A small detachment milestone. I was running the scoreboard for a volleyball match (part of my expanding third job) when I thought about STBXW's note that she couldn't afford to pay the after school sitter to watch the kids for the day.

I kind of felt sorry for her. The house didn't sell and she worked hard on it. I imagine things aren't working out quite how she wanted and ... I momentarily felt sorry for her.

Then I remembered the trip to South Dakota, the crap she pulled at Christmas, etc., and I was back to mad.

Still, for a moment there I actually wished things were going better for her and that's when I remembered something posted in these forums a long time ago ... True detachment is when you not only are no longer mad at the ex, you actually wish them well.

I'm not there yet, but I finally glimpsed the finish line.