Finding My Way

[Mystik]

As I mentioned in my previous post, I had an appointment with DS's therapist today. We ended up mostly talking about me though, and ways to make DS understand he can be excited for things at his father's house that make me sad and it still be ok. We also talked about the situation and how I'm not handling it well. She suggested I try meditation to help me learn how to push out unwanted thoughts when they creep into my brain. She said that maybe my feeling of peace that night when I was praying was God telling me that everything is going to be ok so I need to be ok with where my life is right now. She also suggested, which is something I've often pondered myself, that maybe H and I are on this path because God wants me to learn to be more assertive. Since being a doormat didn't work in the marriage maybe standing up more for myself will be more attractive to him.

We talked a bit about the petitions I'm thinking of filing and she said that they would be a form of asserting myself, but agrees that not offering H the option to settle out of court will only create more animosity. She also said I really need to think hard about filing for divorce using the grounds of adultery and does it really matter to me what the papers say, they are only papers and the people reading them don't care what they say. But again, filing under adultery would be a form of standing up for myself and asserting my rights.

This is all so stressful and confusing.