Yikes, I am shaking. I just confronted him by e-mail. We were e-mailing back and forth and I just said FYI people are starting to ask about the time you and XXXX are spending together. Looks like an affair from the outside, could be way off base. Just be careful, she probably already has baby names picked out! LOL OMG, my heart is pounding out of my chest!
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Ok - you did it. And he denied it, no surprise. Chances are good that they will go deeper undercover. You are getting a lot of great advice here. I also would not expose at work, but I also wouldn't let him get away with his denial.
I wouldn't let him know "how much" you know, but I'd make it clear that you know a lot more than he thinks and that it is not only appropriate from a M point of view but that it is borderline unprofessional and that you think it needs to stop now.
You are strong, continue with the acquaintance. Time to turn his world upside down a little, make him worry about how much you know, make him worry about life without you, and make him deal with what he is doing.
The "its too late" is an all too common line. Ignore it. It is the affair, the guilt, and the WAS talking, nothing more. He doesn't know what he feels or wants right now. You will likely hear much worse before this is all done
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
His guilt seems to be like a time bomb. He sent me another text last night that he thinks I should start telling people at work (about us divorcing) and that he is tired of lying (at work, that we are still together... obviously a loaded statment) and that he doesn't like people talking about him (complete opposite of what he would have said in the past, or if he was innocent)
I sent an email back telling him "I know it is no fun being the center of discussion. Sorry, I can't do that. It is your choice, you will have to tell them. Take care"
I started to get a little worried that he would start telling everyone and it would be a disaster so I also sent a second one telling him that we should really think about the decision to tell people since I don't think it will make it an easier, everyone will want to give there input... no response since then.
GW- I feel like I maybe shouldn't push it regarding how much I know etc as he will then probably just go file for D. I don't think he is able to comprehend 'what life will be like without' me' if he thinks he has it pretty good right now. I feel like deep in his heart, he has to know I know. I don't know, what do you think??
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Remember one of the golden rules: don't mind read. You don't know what he thinks. Don't base decisions on mind reading. Now to answer your question from my experience, my W thought she was getting away with the A.
I completely understand the fear...the fear that he will file for D. But you can't let fear run your life. You are stronger than that. Most of us have been there with the fear, letting go of the fear is hard, but in the end, most find it very reawarding. Big relief for yourself personally when you stop letting the fear run your decisions.
I'd call him on his telling people at work. Remember, you are in the right, you are on the high ground, he is having the A. Think people at work won't put 2 and 2 together? It is announced you two are splitting and he is spending a ton of time with OW. Hmmm....
You can maintain the high ground and not say a word and people will figure it out. I wonder if he would actually go through with telling people. Many co-workers probably already suspect something, they are smarter than you think. I only ever confided in one co-worker/friend that W was having EA and he immediately said let me guess it is XXXX. And he was right. He said he always felt there was something more than should be going on.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I don't think he will tell anyone. He will be too worried about what people would think of him divorcing me... he knows they will question his sanity. I am well-regarded here as a professional but more importantly as a person... He is struggling with this I am sure. Plus, he has always shown me lots of affection here at work, it is his Latin way. Even people that know and have talked to him, then me, see that he still loves me. I don't have to prod them for that information, just tell them I don't want a divorce and they spill it.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
