How should I handle MLC direct lying?

[amg2]

I just have to say, the first two times (that I know of) that my H cheated, I didn't flinch. I was right in it with him, examining the M, going to counseling, drawing up the "plan of action". At times even convincing him why our M was good and worth saving. Heading up the show. In hindsight, I think my reactions, acceptance and willingness to stay are part of why my H was bold enough to pull #3 and #4. Dr. Phil says "we teach others how to treat us." I taught him these things wouldn't cost him his M. We were a TEAM, right? Right.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think all "forgivenesses" are created equal. For example, asking for forgiveness for raising your voice or being reactive (even if for many years) is to me much different than asking for forgiveness for creating a complete life of lies, injecting illegal drugs, etc. Just like the punishment is different say for theft than it is for murder, legally.

TG made a comment about "finding out who YOU are in the face of adversity." I've faced adversity with him...many times. Lots of it. How I have a soul and any confidence left in myself at this point is totally by the grace of God. And maybe I now see that I was a fool to do that--look what it has earned me. Maybe after too many times you find out who you are by accepting that you can't rescue someone who has made dysfunction a WAY OF LIFE. It's different than an accident, a mistake, to be forgiven, but a WAY OF LIFE.

Not disagreeing with any of you. Just reflecting out loud.