You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

I've been thinking about what Drew, Awest and others have posted. It's kind of a dilemma. I didn't really start making progress of letting go of the rope until December when I switched the schedule so I didn't have to go to "the house" every day and I didn't have to see STBXW every day.

Once I got the kid-exchange down to where I didn't have to interact with STBXW I started to feel a lot better. I know perhaps I'm going too far at times to avoid her.

But I'm making progress this way. I'm getting my finances back in order. The memories, good and bad are fading. The time I'm with the girls are just about them and very rarely do I think about what STBXW is doing. When I do, I care much, much less. I'm actually looking forward to finishing the D and really moving on.

The truth of the matter is if there weren't kids involved, I'd cut ties with her completely. I don't miss her as a person. I know I can't do that though. I'm just trying to figure out a way to deal with her as a parent while still moving forward.

Last year, we were talking a lot and STBXW liked that. But I thought this would all work out between us. Once I gave that hope up, things just changed for me. The DB counselors encouraged me to keep talking ... that each interaction was another chance to rebuild the relationship. Now, that just seems weak to me ... like a puppy continually looking to be patted on the head.

All of this takes time. And a lot of things have taken me a lot longer than I thought it would.