How should I proceed now? Is there hope?

[NotCrackingUp]

Hi Hurtinhartford.
Glad you're ok.
Question for you: at this stage, what would be your reaction if your wife suddenly wanted back in? Are you still DBing or have you given it up as a bad job?

I manage to go long periods without cracking up, then it all hits me again. Can't get his recent coldness and cruelty out of my mind, in contrast to the man I once had children with, shared everything with.I'm stil wearing my ring, but he's just said he doesn't consider me as his wife anymore, in practically the same breath as he asked me to go halves on mending HIS car. "She's" letting him down and costing him a bomb - good old Peugeot! In another breath he told me he was happy out in his flat, meeting loads of people... and anyway he'd have to give 3 months' notice before leaving it. Doesn't see himself coming back "for the present". Feels good to do his own thing etc. Yet he won't talk to his eldest (" a pity she's so stubborn" - she's only 13!), won't talk to his mother, avoids his family.

I don't know what to think. He's no longer nasty, looks at me and even seems pleased enough to see me. Knows I'm never free (always have one D with me) as he is, checks out what I do.

I've got to the stage where if he came back tomorrow, it'd take me a very long time to even be comfortable in his company, not to mention ML. He just broke everything into too many pieces. o I can identify with Pinhead, who seems to be wanting to step back now that his W is mending fences (albeit in a lukewarm way).

I still want to DB, but don't believe in it now. I read and re-read the book, but it all seems hopeless. I could grow an extra head or get a Nobel Prize, I could do all kinds of U-turns and have done, he still wouldn't give a tinker's curse, or so it seems. It's just about dealing with children, money troubles (his, now he's shelved the goose that laid the golden eggs) and HIM, HIM,HIM.

Can someone really change so radically after an affair (your woman is history, apparently, after all the flowers, jewellery and undying love)? Can what was once love (it WAS there) turn to disrespect, contempt, manipulation and rejection? I wasn't perfect but I really, sincerely loved him and did nothing to deserve this from him.

I have a feeling the only thing that MIGHT make him come back towards me is jealousy, if he thought s.o. else was going to take his place. Who wants to go playing that sort of game?

Just feeling low tonight - lonely, unloved. Maybe he never cared a jot for me, was a selfish b****rd frm day one, but I didn't see it? Maybe I brought it all on myself? I need some guidance if I'm to continue DBing.
Thanks,
NCU