SO: my big question is, if he's willing to actually work a plan -say go to FT or marriage builders - or something - is his willingness to do it good enough, even if he doesn't "want" to?
Sunny I have not posted to you before although we have met at Little Friday's. IMHO the above will not work. It is something that you can try, but to have any expectations that it will work is something different.
It seems to me that your husband is in a MLC, he is in replay which is a stage of MLC.
No amount of control or pressure will snap him out of it. Boundaries are good. A must. But the only thing that will end this is time, lots of time.
My suggestion is to detach/dim/dark/nc with him (pick one). Let him live his life and you live yours. Having a live in is difficult at best.
Really the difference in advice is no different except the exposing. The exposure puts pressure on the MLC'er and they react poorly to it. Not to say it won't work. It might.
