You are very strong blgp. Impressive. Don't stop what you are doing and build upon it.
Can you identify your behavior that would come across too strong to him?
I know at work, you can treat him professionally easily just because you are strong. You also can show him the new "blgp" and all your changes. However, outside work, can you "disappear" and become unavailable to him?
You will hear the term "Go Dark" thrown around on these boards. This is best used when you clearly establish the boundary that you will not accept an open marriage, but you are willing to work on the marriage if there is noone else in the picture. However, once you establish this boundary there is no coming back from holding it until those conditions are favorable to you. There are many people here that can tell you exactly how to say it, I hope they chime in.
The goal of this is to send a clear, confident, and kind message to him. Once you have established it you basically move forward and cease contact with him. You go out and you live your life without him just like he wants. It validates the way he feels and will hopefully make him realize the fact you will not be in his life anymore.
It's also very important to avoid your same old behaviors that might seem pressuring or controlling(if that was one of your shortcomings)while attempting this.
