2. Expect good behaviour from my W, and when I'm on the receiving end of CB, calmly put a stop to it. This has been one of the biggest changes in our relationship's dynamic, and it's simply amazing how well it works. We are so much more open in our communication than ever before.
^^^This^^^
It really works.
My W and I met at the restaurant for dinner last week. She showed up late and agitated about work. I listened to her rants and validated her feelings. We were about to start ordering food and I tried to change a subject. Although I made an error of judgment about the topic, it did not warrant what happened next.
I decided to talk about my work, unfortunately the topic happened to be something that irritated her even more (we work in the same industry and my company is her client). She got angry and started accusing me for ruining her mood. She would not stop and I asked the waiter to hold off with taking our order.
When she was done with her fit, I calmly asked her “I don’t like to be treated unprofessionally when we are talking about work related stuff.” She got even more angry and got up and left.
She drove around the block and came back shortly. She seemed that she was not done with me yet. Before she could re-start, I smiled and asked “You seem very angry, how can I help you to feel better?”. Her demeanor changed immediately and she sat down and said “I have a right not to talk about work when we have dinner together.”
To me it sounded irrational, because she was the one ranting about work all evening. But that was how she FELT at the moment.
I said “You are absolutely right. I agree with you and I will make sure that this won’t happen again”.
We had a nice dinner and when we got home she resolved the problem I had with my work by offering me a detailed solution that she was going to implement the next day.
How do you think this would have ended had I demanded apology for being disrespected in public, responded with a counterattack, reminded her who started the whole topic in the first place or just yelled back – me, me, me, you, you, you?
It works every time. It takes some self discipline.
