You're still accepting a false dichotomy. You and your husband have a problem to solve. That doesn't require you to decide that it's a problem with him or a problem with you. It's a problem you share.
I know how frustrating it is that he seems not to care, or that he seems to think everything is OK the way it is. All you can do is show, not tell. If he won't talk about it, just go on without him. Follow your plan and get a life. Do what you think is right, with him if he wants to join you, or without him if he doesn't.
Yes, eventually he will face a choice and have to decide whether he is willing to be left behind that way, and he may decide to leave, and he may decide to stay just the way he is and try to outlast you. At that point, you will have your own tough choice to make. But what if he decides that the way you're living your life is attractive and he wants in on it?
In a way, it's about acknowledging your limitations. We want a way to make these people fall in love with us the way we understand love, but we don't have the power to do that. We don't that level of control over the world. We have to make good lives for ourselves and then, if we still want to share our lives with our spouses, they have to choose whether to share them with us.
