MLC 5 years on

[Sanderika]

Hello Beatrice,

I do not have regrets for my past choice. I have grown so much, as you have. Had this not happened to me/us, I would still be the same person who was depressed and angry and and withdrawn taking life for granted and assuming everything was fine.

I guess I grew delusional at the same time, I assumed if I fixed me I could save and fix the marriage. I assumed my H would want to come home and we would be fine.

I now realize that we cannot. We have grown in such different directions and are such different people that we will only have this mutual agreement (to be friends) between us.

AS you well know, 5 years is a very long time. It's too long apart to put things back together. If a relationship is re-created it will most definitely be something different, like it or not. I am not sure I like our current state. To be a friend is going to be really hard, especially when I know he's with someone else.

After seeing him on Saturday, I grew depressed. I actually had a low-key somber attitude for the rest of the weekend. I have to figure this out. It hurt to see him. It hurt to see him leave.

I am just like you, I have spent all but 15 years of my life with my H. We built a life and established a home and a business and had a child. We created a family. I still can't understand how one can walk away from their family and their life!!

In my H case with his OW, I think she sees their relationship in a different light than he does. I think she sees him moving in with her and married when this is over between us. I don't see him doing that. He has had 5 years to live with her and she hasn't been able to convince him to do so. I have even told him to move in with her! Not really sure where they stand, I think he lies when he talks about her so who knows...

Something of huge interest....In all these 5 years, my son has never met OW. H refuses to introduce them. OW has begged and pleaded and pursued that to no avail. She actually has been quoted numerous times on the subject. She wants to do things as a family, NOPE...he's not allowing.... H never even asked me once if I would allow it. H never even once has insisted that it happen. It's not going to at this point....I often wondered why and the only conclusion I draw is that this is a place H does not want her. H is protecting son and (me) from that place. He must not think her worthy of son. (????????)

Oh, Beatrice, I wish we were not here. Since we are, it is most helpful to converse about it with someone who knows who we are and where we have been first hand. Experience is the best teacher and advice.

Take care my friend, (((Hugs to You))),

Sanderika