"Margali, it's not about hanging in without fighting, and it's not about getting used to anything. It's about facing the fight head on, admitting to yourself what the stakes are, and steadfastly defending your own integrity. It's about not giving up and accepting a false choice limited to either sacrificing your integrity so you can accept a sexless marriage on the one hand or pre-emptively walking out because 'it shouldn't be this hard' on the other."
Well, I'm not ready to walk out. I still love him, and I don't think anyone else would ever suit me as well. But I'm not sure how to solve problems that involve both of us, without talking about it. And he hates it when I talk about it. That just makes it worse.
So, realizing that talking about it just makes it worse, I've tried doing a 180 (backing off from him), giving him space, and reading some of these books that everyone keeps suggesting. I'm still waiting for something to actually work.
SillyOld:
"[Captain], you keep insisting that the HD partner has everything figured out and knows what goes on in the LD partner's head."
Ha! If only. I have no idea what's going on in his head. I don't understand LD people at all. They might as well be space aliens.
"[Captain], maybe Margali's husband (and your wife) really are just bad, shallow people who only care about appearances and are willing to hurt her (and you) as much as it takes to have the appearances without loving sex...."
I don't believe this. I do know my DH well enough to know that he would hate, hate, hate the idea of hurting anybody on purpose. He's very tenderhearted.
No, I really think there must be something wrong with me. Either long relationships just get this way, and I'm being childish by expecting anything else; or something about me is putting him off me sexually.
