I think, thick headed me, that what you are trying to point out to me is that even after November 17th, after papers are signed, after the couch is split with a chainsaw, that there is still a possibility of R if I'm hanging in there for him. Right?
Partly right.
Yes in that after the date, before the date, during the date...
It is what it is Pun.
H is going to do what he is going to do.
He did what he did.
Stop looking at what he is not valuing in your life together.
Stop looking at what he is choosing to value today.
Stop looking at what he might choose in the future.
Stop looking at your NOT looking.(dark)
Choose what you want from who you are.
What do I see?
I see a strong willed woman who has been a rock for her family.
I see a caring mother, grandmother and W.
I see someone who can do whatever she wants when she decides it.
Right now you are letting others decide this for you.
Look at the bold in your statement.
You are still doing this FOR H? H is still doing things TO you.
Martyr?
Do you see your perspective?
If you do things for him and he continues down this path of craziness (which is very likely)
you will/are become resentful. Angry. Disapointed. Defeated.
Don't put that power in his hands.
Rather seize that power in yourself Pun.
I know this sounds all warm fuzzy Truegritter philosophy stuff...
I just don't know any other way to say it Pun. Maybe SA, PEI, Cat, and Brooklyn can help me say it better. I can only speak from my experience.
I keep asking you why you are here and you give me answers and they are the things I already know about you
All the great things you do for your Grands, kids, for H trying to get him help. I understand.
Go to the mirror. Look in it. I am serious Pun. Do it.
What do you see?
Are you going to let anyone tell you what you believe? What you choose in your life?
You are not a victim Pun. You are survivor.
So now
Do I have to write my questions again?
Why are you here standing?
What does love mean to you?
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Maybe we are sisters! I love horror movies too! Love to be scared (as long as I know it's not real.) Do you ever watch Ghost Hunters?
Your dish sounds delicious!
Next time your H contacts you and starts to push buttons, do a 180 on him and don't engage.
You got it about the piece of paper. Some MLCer's have to push it all the way to a divorce. They believe they will then find happiness.
This is his journey Punkin. It's his issues that he has to face and figure out. You have to step back and let him do it with no interference from you, as it will slow the process.
At the same time don't let him interfere with your journey. You are the one who gets to decide who Punkin wants to be.
I know this sounds all warm fuzzy Truegritter philosophy stuff...
I just don't know any other way to say it Pun. Maybe SA, PEI, Cat, and Brooklyn can help me say it better. I can only speak from my experience.
Sounds good to me Grit ...
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
Go to the mirror. Look in it. I am serious Pun. Do it.
What do you see?
Actually do this s'punkin ... I mean really do it. Stand in front of a mirror and look deep into yourself. Who are you ... not as a mom, a grandmother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend .... as a woman ... as a person. Who is s'punkin? What does she want for herself, for her life?
Sometimes, I actually turn the lights down ... make my house quiet ... and just sit. I get quiet with myself, let my thoughts and fears and dreams all come to the surface when there is no one else around and I'm not tempted to hide behind a role or a mask or a wall. It can be scary, enlightning, maddening, refreshing, sad, joyous ... depends on the day ...
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
Are you going to let anyone tell you what you believe? What you choose in your life?
I'm guessing if someone came right out and tried to tell you what to do you'd give them a piece of your mind. Don't let this be any different ... you are letting someone else's actions or your thoughts about their actions have too much power ...
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
You are not a victim Pun. You are survivor.
Hell yeah! But with being a survivor comes responsibility ... to yourself.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Pei, I took your suggestion. Looked long and hard into the mirror and sort of projected myself back to when I was younger. What I wanted most? To be self reliant. I am. Second, to be able to say what I wanted when I wanted, but with tact and humor. I'm not too bad at that. It's usually 12 hours before anyone knows they've been insulted. To be an good lookin' old lady. Must say I'm not bad. Sounds sort of trivial and vain, but those first two have carried me through life.
Thank you for the perspective.
Onto last night. I made an absolutely supurb Shrimp Etouffe' served with French Bread. Watched 30 days of Night. Had a great time and was still in bed by 10:00. I'm such a wild woman.
My twin SS's both called me to thank me for their birthday cards. They were 25 yesterday. Don't know if their Dad rememebered or not. The one moving to Colorado invited me up to visit anytime.
Still in decorating mode for my garage as a dungeon. Thought it would be pretty funny if any prospective buyers came buy.
So, it's off to church this morning. Busy yardwork this afternoon. Have a great day!
I think, thick headed me, that what you are trying to point out to me is that even after November 17th, after papers are signed, after the couch is split with a chainsaw, that there is still a possibility of R if I'm hanging in there for him. Right?
Yes BUT that is NOT the only thing that we are trying to get YOU to see.
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is my own financial well being. The healthcare, the ability to pay for the house, yada, yada, yada
This concerns me too. Go read Brooklyn’s thread and tell me if any of this ^^^ should change what YOU do for YOU.
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until I come out fighting
ANGER again. Hey, why do YOU allow him to push YOU? Do you know the answer? Oh wait, No you still have not answered the hard questions.
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To be self reliant. I am
Self reliant. How? I noticed that your reason for pushing your H was concern over your financial well being. How does the self reliant play into this? Is the response to YOUR H more about your anger than about your financial well being?
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say what I wanted when I wanted, but with tact and humor
So then YOU will always speak YOUR mind? What if it hurts someone?
Is it always just what Punkin wants and what Punkin feels entitled to say – at any cost?
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To be an good lookin' old lady.
On the inside as well I assume?
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thick headed me
You said it – not me. LOL
Maybe I am wrong Punkin…I think you’re still angry.
I think you’re angry because you FEEL that YOUR H pulled YOUR dreams away from you.
I think your angry because you’re a “good lookin old lady (and FTR, I am NOT calling YOU old)” and your MLC wacked out H still left.
You still did not answer Grit’s questions.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, thank you for writing but I think you take things too literally. JMO. I take as well as I give. It's a God given thing in the South. Self reliant? Had to be. Part of that is watching out for #1, even when you don't feel like #1.
I'm grieving our old life, but I'm making a new one for myself.
SO, the questions remains, just spell it out for this dumb old redneck gal from the mountains. WHAT QUESTION?
By the way, I take no offense at anything you say. I welcome your insights.
Onto better and brighter things today, my dears. Hauling off a box of clothes, etc I cleaned out of the closet to the local Salvation Army. Emptied out my change bottle for all the silver to turn into spending cash for this week's Arts & Crafts Festival. Study night( for my Optician's test) on Tuesday, Exercise class on Wednesday. Damon ( Vampire Diaries) on Thursday, and then I hope to join you all on FB. Better prepared and less overwhelmed.
