LBS Living...

[ericmsant2]

IB,

Really and truly, the only thing you can do is let him figure it out, love him from a distance and begin your own journey towards healing and peace.

This quote from Brooklyn says it all.

Your H embarked on his journey and as the LBS you must embark on YOURS.

What you will come to learn about yourself can change you in ways that you would have never imagined. You though have to take that first step. No one can take it for you.

You may feel alone but I can tell you that really you are not. God really is with you.

IB, I want to tell you that although you feel this way and may not ready to hear this…everything you are going through is pretty normal. Many of us have been through these emotions. They will pass IF you allow them to.

When I first came here, I place my W on a pedestal and took the blame for everything. FTR, sometime I still catch myself doing it. Then I realized that I ONLY needed to take responsibility to my failures in the R. Not hers. It is not my responsibility to “help” her take ownership of her issues – that job falls to God.

There will come a time when you realize that YOU did not put a gun to your H’s head to make him do what he is doing.

probably to avoid answering my own issues.

It’s scary to look inside yourself…so be gentle with yourself. You may see things that you do not like about yourself. Those are things that you work on. Now having said this, you also need to look at the GOOD in YOU. Many times we focus on all of the things that we need to work on and we loose sight of the good things about yourself. So, I would write down some of the areas of improvement you want to work on AND write down some of your strength. Chit ya work 12 hours a day…so obviously “work ethic” is a strength of yours. You are also a great MOM by evidence of your posts. You are also….ready……a wonderfully loving person! Okay…okay…so how can I say this not knowing you personally. Well in my book any one that would endure this much pain, still love their spouse and still want the marriage to work – well they are a “wonderfully loving person” in my book.

This absolute lack of self-worth I carry around is deadly.

Yes it is. One of the reasons is that you continue to FOCUS on your M and YOUR H. We tell you to detach and GAL because what will happen is that you will begin to feel better about yourself when you are having fun (GAL) AND you will not have your H’s bullchit to deal with (Detach).

every single flaw of mine I have turned into a valid justification for his appalling, disrespectful actions.

Wow – IB, a little anger in that sentence. That’s good. Anger is good when used properly BUT we can talk about that a little later on.

I have refused to acknowledge his flaws - instead choosing to "soften" his antisocial craziness into "quirky" or "eccentricities".

1) your H is in a crisis so he will be quirky and antisocial – especially with you.
2) Should you focus on his quirks or yours? (hint – who’s can you control?)

I should be better

Know what’s stopping you? Hint first letter is F, the last letter is R (F_ _ R)

I don't seem to be any better off than I was 4 months ago when H left

Really? Think about this statement for a sec….
4 months ago, ya probably would have not even been able to weekdays.

but the weekends are lonely and I find myself depressed. I accomplish some things - but not as much as I should. I often feel lost.

One of the things that works for me is writing down a list of the stuff that I would like to do. I also try and do something that I really love to do. So IB, what really puts a smile on your face?

I just can't believe how easily he has disposed of me.

Change how you look at things. Yeah you can say he disposed of you OR you can say that God helped take him out of your life so he can fix this CRAZY AS* MLC CHIT that he is going through.

I need to begin to answer the questions that I have been avoiding.

Yes you do. If ya don’t answer these questions I swear I will pay Punkin to go pay you a visit when she’s angry and trust me…ya don’t want to see spunky punky angry. LOL

I want to begin to dream again

You will WHEN you finally make a CHOICE to start to.

Chin up and ((((hugs))))

You’re actually doing better than you think.

God Bless,
Eric