agree again Truegritter. i realize that Allen could be a tad strident in his postings. smile just a tad. i am different.

my W did deny it. i exposed to a few people as well, SiL/MiL/wife's close friend from childhood/a good buddy of mine and most importanly the OMW (that helped me more than anything else!!). in the end, they did nothing except for my buddy who was a great support during it all.

embarrass her? no. punish her? no. shock her? yes. like a bucket of cold water. an A thrives on secrecy. it creeps along free from sunlight. it is a fantasy shared by 2 people. my W? it was a great way for her to say I can be loved (by someone else, secretively, in violation of her marital vows, in contradiction to the values we would seek to inculcate in our children) and bc "ILYBNILWY." forget the fact that we have 5 children and OM 4!

u r again correct. most people shy away from such reprimanding behavior. initially. that does not last long. from my conversations w/ OMW and the one and only one with OM (which i will never ever do again bc if he jumps back into the picture he can have her, truly bc i am strong enough to walk away as i deserve better. moreover i KNOW that if they were forced to try and make it work it would collapse like a house of cards... i will not be making mortgage payments on a big house in the burbs for my W to engage in the fantasy of a new life with her uneducated romeo who couldn't afford to replace me financially nor spiritually/physically/emotionally, ba), i was able to end it as i did by exposing as forcefully as i did. didn't wait.

u r right bc everyone does indeed have their own thoughts on the matter. it is matter of preference, taste, etc. i did some research into the matter, and i have found that the approach currently advocated by a majority of FT/MC's does not account enough for the addictive nature of these relationships. i would call exposure an "intervention" if u will.

exposing the A will "raise the bottom" and make these two people face the music. to think that they plan on continuing their A all the while working with blgp? wow. pretty bold. given that it is a work place romance that complicates matters. duh. but does the OW have a spouse, significant other, friends, family...

blgp has a decision to make. there are two seemingly divergent approaches. my support and hopes go out to her as i am sure yours does as well truegritter.