Well, TG, I didn't do a good job waiting 48 hours, that's for sure. Although, I can say I didn't initially react emotionally - I was very calm when I first confronted him on it.
Yes, I did set the boundary that he wasn't to be seeking outside R's if he was going to stay in the home and "work" on the M. He closed his facebook acct which had been a big problem. He knows that cyber-crap and texts qualifies as 3rd party stuff. And yes, of course he claimed it was nothing: just talk.
So...yes, I need to enforce this since it was a boundary. That's why I felt I had to tell him that either he commits to working a true plan towards restoration or he needs to leave. Since he broke this 3rd party boundary, that's the only enforcement I know to do other than just telling him to get the H out automatically.
Yes, I mostly need enforcement for me and I told him so. I told him I have to protect myself from his hurtful behavior. He honestly does not see the pain this causes. "It's just talk," according to him.
SO: my big question is, if he's willing to actually work a plan -say go to FT or marriage builders - or something - is his willingness to do it good enough, even if he doesn't "want" to?
My theory is, you put in the real work and you act your way into feeling. That's why it works regardless of attitude. However, if he's just going to do it to continue to cake eat, is it any good? (OF course he has to cut off all communication with OW, etc...)
