I still hear quite a bit of anger coming through. I hope she is not seeing him again, too. It does sound like you sped the process along quite a bit. We went to Retrouvaille fairly quickly too, although I am less sure of the timeline now that it is 3 years out. I discovered his affair on about Dec 1, and I confront him that night. My son confronted OW by phone the next morning and so the big scene would have been on that day. Then we went to visit my daughter at college on about December 15, and spent about 3 days together. Then he flew home alone, and my daughter and I drove home, taking until after Xmas to get there. I know that during that time, he was still talking to OW. When we went to Retro on Jan 18, he was unsure of which way he would go. But I don't believe he spoke to her again after Retrouvaille. If he did, it would have just been once to let her know that we were really going to reconcile. So my timeline was about 6 weeks, which I always thought was quite fast.
As we did the Post sessions, we were very careful to do all the homework and dialogue even though sometimes it was a strain. I remember not feeling fully committed until about the last Post session. It took us both a long time to really accept the idea that we had to forgive and trust and commit all at once, not when we felt ready to do each thing. I remember that we called one of the team couples a few weeks into the Post sessions to ask for some suggestions of how to get past an obstacle.
Don't give up hope. Work with her. Dialogue about everything, even if some subjects scare you. And don't hesitate to call either the team couples or the Post couple and ask for help. This is not easy.
