sorry did not respond sooner Lotus. smile since June I knew something was not right. my gut told me that. i was correct in hindsight. i should have acted on it sooner? either way i knew we were in dire straits and were approaching crisis point after her 40th bday. my buddy did tell me that after her 40th i would know the direction we were headed in.

i remember seeing some of the others on this forum talking about Retrouvaille and i even looked it up. was interested. i broached the idea of it with the W in July and a few times after that all the while she was engaged in her A. we even went to MC once as a couple, and i marvel now at how she sat there pretending to be engaged in the session. ha. after i found out and exposed the A, i continued to rack my brain about what to do next.

i found Retrouvaille again. i exposed 9/5 (?) and things were dire there. i knew Retrou in our area was the w/e of 9/24-9/26. too soon i thought? i asked her about it once we started talking a little more. of course never once has she come out and openly admitted to A. just let hints drop or talking about it in indirect fashion (typical i m sure). maybe it makes her feel better and she doesnt feel as guilty.

we went back and forth about going. almost told her forget it myself. she actually said that waiting was probably not a good thing. good for her bc we went when i agreed that she was right. the w/e was awesome and we are now 2 weeks out. have gone to 2 sessions. good but sense a little backsliding from W. doesn't seem as interested. seems bored actually. it worries me.

i suspect some of it has to do with withdrawal from A and OM, no? i hope they are not in contact. bc if they are then i can say that's it. i do not have the strength in me to deal with the bs. i would be tempted to tell her to go take a hike and run to her dream man. i KNOW i am the superior man.

i am the man who was there for her in the beginning, the man who supported and loved her in a way that her parents and every other relationship she had had did not, the man who accepted and supported her unconditionally when she revealed the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her father... i am not an ex drug abuser, probable alcoholic or heavy drinker, uneducated, womanizing, overweight, anger issues that make mine seem small, uninterested in doing what is needed to make myself a better person... if u want to run to that, go ahead. i will not stop u. file and i will sign.

i have reached a point in my life where yes i would most certainly be disappointed, heartbroken and shaken by our D but i am not afraid of being alone and will not be a doormat. i will be that father and man i have always aspired to be. i can be THAT husband too. and if not for her, then it will be someone else who will reap the benefits of being with that man. her loss which she will regret later on as will I. but if it has to happen, then alright. i feel strong, positive, inspired and hopeful that i can accept whatever may come.

i am prepared to Committ, Love, Trust and Forgive. she isnt yet (or at least it seems that way but it is obviously waaaaayyyyy to early for that now however much i wish it weren't). i need to be patient. hard to do, easy to say.

thank you for letting me say this. sorry for the longwinded response. i do that now. i have tapped into something i never could do before with any regularity. i can feel and share it with others. one of the benefits of ur spouse having an affair and breaking their vows for a 2nd time.