Hi, I am a bit of a newcomer and it has been suggested I post on this site given my new circumstances.
My H said he wanted a D 9 weeks ago. We are separated. We work together. I found out this wkd he is having an A. Evidence of EA in April. Almost certain it is PA now. He still hasn't filed D papers. He has been noticing my 180. The OW works with us too. I don't know what to do about confronting or not. I have to see them both tomorrow. I very much wish I knew how to link this with my other thread so you can see my whole situation.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Good rule is to wait 48 hours until the emotion dies down a bit.
Look nothing is going to get solved on a Sunday night.
Try to relax. (Easier said than done)
I will try to post your thread over here.
There has been a lot of debate to expose or not expose of late.
I am of the opinion that you will not change anything other than make it harder to detach and begin to work on yourself by putting a bunch of energy into snooping, spying and exposing.
Let me start with ths question
What do you hope to accomplish by exposing?
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
There are lots of opinions on confronting. I confronted my husband when I knew he was having an affair and demanded that he stop. It didn't really make him stop, but at least he knew that I was not an idiot who could be easily deceived, and just that made me feel better.
As for whether you should confront OW, you need to decide that based on your relationship with her and your work situation. Generally, I do not believe in bringing family problems into the workplace. But, in this instance they are already there. Only you can make that decision. But since he has already asked you for a divorce, you should be prepared for them not honoring your request to stop the relationship. Your work situation is about to become very difficult. Weigh your options carefully.
In all the time that I have been talking to people about affairs and their marriages, I have come to the conclusion that at this point, the best thing for you to do is to assume that your marriage is over. He's already involved with her to the point of demanding a divorce, and hanging on and fighting for something he doesn't want won't save the marriage. So, assume that you will be getting divorced, do you want to upset the work environment too?
actually agree with a lot of what Truegritter has had to say on other threads, but do not agree here. i believe in exposure. i did it. W not happy. even now still sense simmering anger at me for having done it. but look at this from marriagebuilders.com as it may help.
if i could do it all over again would do it again same way albeit much sooner bc would have gathered intel then. i KNEW something was up. i was right. i could have nixed it then. but then again maybe it had to run its' course the way it did bc OM would still have been in my backyard w/ my WAS right with him.
M: 42, W: 40 T: 18y, M: 15y S7 S9; D4 D13 D15 --------------------------------------------- Nov 2008 - Feb 2009 - EA/PA - OM1 Mar 2009 - Exposed - W didnt come clean 100%, admitted A, no details May 2009 - Nov 2009 - FT but no resolution Nov 2009 - DB'ing (not very well bc) Mar 2010 - ILYBNILWY - still ML regularly Mar 2010 - Wife shuts me out of FaceBook Mar 2010 - Sep 2010 - EA/PA - OM2 (lives in FL but working NY) 9/1/10 - OM2 moves back to FL, his M estranged in past, 4 children 8/31/10 - install keylogger (shouldve done it sooner, duh) 9/6/10 - Confront W/OM2/OMW2 9/7/10 - Exposure family/friends 9/7/10 - W says may file D, talk sep? 9/7/10 to present - OM2 discloses A in detail to OMW2, offers wife 100% transparency 9/14/10 - Communicated OM2/OMW2, end contact, sep no longer option Sept 2010 - W initially won't admit A until 9/16/10, wanting "closure", reluctantly agreed no contact Retrouvaille 9/24-9/26: great experience, W hopeful for 1st time, agrees FB/social networking is bad influence, texts/emails much less, mostly warm but some cold days, not physical yet but for occasional short kisses --------------------------------------------- Current - Contact with OM2 unknown, suspect done for now bc W acting strange, ?withdrawal Current - only small details of A revealed, but transparent Current - completed Retrouvaille, pretty good thus far, talking, sharing feelings, talks about future, wearing rings again (!!) after few weeks of not
