I know it's hard, but ur H is acting lost. he is trying to find himself and seems to think that the answer lies with the OW and with becoming Jewish. he is doing this as his career is teetering on the brink of a precipice in addition to losing his primary support system: you.
he is attempting to bond with this newly minted college grad while pursuing his PhD no less. good luck i say. too bad u cannot fast forward to the future, bc if u could it would be apparent that this cannot last and will not.
do not lose any sleep over them. the tug of attachment requires time. u need for the days to become weeks before u can expect ur H to start feeling it. were there any traditions that u observed for Halloween, Thanksgiving or the Holidays with ur H? Christmas is a funny thing. It is one thing to celebrate Xmas sans religion and another thing entirely to not celebrate it at all with your "significant" other. especially if OW is Jewish. OW may very well be stridently anti-Christmas bc there are definitely a large number of those of the Jewish faith who feel unfairly bombarded and overwhelmed by "Christmas" that could also work in your favor.
plus do not shy away from putting some pressure on ur H at the university. keep in contact w/ S. avail her of some of the details. it cannot hurt. i would be curious to know if ur H's behavior was in violation of the code of ethics at the university. i suspect it was. do NOT let up the pressure there. he needs to feel it however uncomfortable that may be. moreover the OW and OW's parents need to feel it somehow as well. her career is aborning. do not think to fight fair. a fight is a fight. it does not involve rules like the Marquess of Queensberry, etc. it is about winning. sure, it does not have to come at all costs, but there is no mercy.
OM2 had to feel it in my sitch, so i made sure it was plain to him and his W what he and my W had done. My W's therapist has supposedly had an interesting response to that. I get the sense from my W that the therapist views my actions during exposure as being hurtful. but then again, it could very well be my W who feels that way and is trying to say that the therapist "said that" rather than admitting to feeling that way herself.
funny enough she is still in denial to a degree. no surprise. as an aside, we were googling something on my iphone via Safari, and the initial screen was a website where the screen read: "coping with infidelity, restoring the marital relationship." u had to see the expression on her face bc she turned away not wanting to look at it. ha. enjoy. u can run but u cannot hide from what u did. and try and blame me as much as u wish but u were the one who committed adultery which is most def a sin in God's eyes (and i am not this religious zealot either, but wrong is wrong).
