There is definitely an element of post-traumatic stress a lot of us go through, I think.
My situation is very different from yours, as my H had an affair 8 years ago, I DB'd and we successfully reconciled, had several more great years together before he fell down the midlife crisis rabbit hole. Somehow, though, for me - once he actually moved out, I was very quickly DONE. Seeing him put our college-age kids through that killed any last little bit of respect I had for him.
And since I WAS done - and didn't have the complication of little kids at home - I was able to move on into a very healing rebound relationship. I was ready for it, and this man admired me for the very things my ex used to criticize, made me feel sexy and attractive, kept me from being lonely just when I needed it most. We're not together now, but we're still very good friends, and I know this really helped me in the process.
Now I look at my ex, and although I still have good memories of the good years of our relationship, he's not the kind of guy I would want to go out with now.
I guess my point for you is this: be careful of confusing loneliness and anxiety and nostalgia for who he used to me, with a desire to be with who he is NOW. You DON'T want him back unless he does the WORK necessary to fix all his problems.
