I don't want to say anything that contradicts your phone coach, but if I read one of your earlier posts correctly, you were encouraged to help her do chores while you were still living at your house, correct? Then you moved out, and have been out for two months, also correct? If so, then yes, that's pursuing, because she has told you she is uncomfortable with it-it puts pressure on her to be grateful to you for doing so. After all, why would you go over to someone else's house and do chores? It's one thing if she asks you to come over and put together a shelving unit or something, or if one of the kids sincerely needs help with something. You do that because it's the right thing to do, you'd help your best friend out, so why not her or your kids? But it's something entirely different if you go out of your way to initiate helping with dishes or laundry. Let her do all her own chores of that sort...you are only showing her you will always be available. Spend that time doing YOUR own chores, or doing something that makes you happy. When she fell in love with you, it wasn't because you did all her chores, giving her the opportunity to think about your relationship.
She doesn't buy that you want to help her. She has slammed you for doing fake "stuff." So stop it. She won't ever have a chance to miss you if you're always presenting yourself as available. I know it feels counter-intuitive, but are your really doing the chores because you want to help? Or instead is it just because you feel like you SHOULD do them, or that MAYBE this will help? Rondo's right, you can't do the chores and then immediately look at her as if to ask: "Well, now what?" She doesn't want to address you every time you've done something for her.
She is treating your separation like an opportunity to scoff at you and see OM. You are treating it like an opportunity to fix what's wrong. You two are on completely different pages, many chapters apart in the book. Doing these chores for her, I hate to say it, will only set you up for further disappointment.
