did my best to actively listen, try not to fix but I was so surprised I'm sure I flubbed some. But wow. It felt great. I wish I knew what it was that inspired that change in him so I can help it continue.
It's been a day of unintentional ironies here
Glad you are having a good day!
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
[quote]did my best to actively listen, try not to fix but I was so surprised I'm sure I flubbed some. But wow. It felt great. I wish I knew what it was that inspired that change in him so I can help it continue.
Ha! Isn't that something. Thanks for pointing that out.
Originally Posted By: TimeHeals
D-indefinetly delayed.
PS This is wonderful to see. SO glad things have turned around for you.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Just an update. H and I had a long talk on Fri evening; got a little pickled. It felt really amazing. We talked about everything and nothing; he shared some things that had been troubling him a lot in the last year; again I just tried to listen. When I asked him what he needed from me in talking about it - he said 'just this - being here, supporting me...'. I was amazed to hear him say it, and I could see that he really does need me! That I'm not just someone he's indifferent to! It was just such a great night; laughing, talking, cooking, too much wine and rum. It was just amazing.
It's funny when I look back. One of the things that always had concerned me about our relationship, even when we first started dating was that we had such a difficult time talking. We could talk about surface stuff - the weather, what we did at work that day, plans for the weekend. But there'd always be these 'silences' - awkward ones, not the comfortable kind. Always like there was something unsaid; always something deeper that didn't get shared. It was the first thing I'd told my therapist about, and told her that this was one of the main things that had made me feel like I married the wrong man. That we were not well-suited for one another right from the start; that we should likely split up so each of us could find out 'who we really were again' because we just couldn't 'talk'.
But now - now I can't really believe that this is my husband, that this is what our marriage is starting to be - talking, relating, each of us feeling 'seen' and 'heard'. He's starting to come to ME when he needs support and I'm learning how to do the same with him. I had no idea that after 18 years, we would end up finding this in one another, especially since it hadn't been there in the start. This is the greatest wonder to me. I really don't understand it.
So this leaves me thinking that it's time to end this thread. I'm over my 100 posts, and things are going better that I ever could have imagined. I know we'll still have conflict to work through, but we seem to be facing it, and working it through together now - finally. So I really don't know what I'd put in a new thread.
Don't know if I'll ever understand how we could have had something so vital as real communication and connection missing from the beginning, and yet somehow find it in one another after 18 years. But what I do know is that now that we're building it, I'll never, ever take it for granted. I know how lucky I am, and I know that I'll work hard every day to keep changing and growing in healthy and positive ways.
Take care everyone, FMV.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
