Wanted: Large dose of patience

[Sanderika]

Hi Cas,

Obviously a lot can change inside of two weeks.

To answer the question today....Send him a simple "Happy Birthday" text in the morning of his birthday.

Two weeks from now....???

I would not plan a gift regardless. A card at this stage will be hard to pick out. Leave it to last minute and do what feels right to you at the time. IMO, be thoughtful and simple....you will therefore be sending the message that you are the new and changed Cas and H's actions/choices will not revert your hard work.

Regardless of the current state of our marriages, we have to maintain the changes we have made because we are better people for it. I lost my marriage because of complacency and ignorance and allowing a depressed state to got out of control. I am renewed and the new Sanderika will maintain her changes. It was
hard work to get here. It would only set me back to allow H to think I haven't really changed. The renewed Sanderika will continue to be kind and thoughtful towards her friends and we (H and I) have worked hard to become friends. I will never let my guard down in front of H, I won't ever give him the satisfaction. That was actually some wise advice my FIL gave me 4 years ago.

On my H's birthday back in August (when he was pouring on the D talk) I sent him a simple "Happy Birthday" text early in the am. He replied "Thanks". In September, H served me D papers by process server the day after my birthday....he did not wish me a happy birthday. To me that makes me the bigger person and makes H look small and selfish. It's the H I do not know.

Cas, it's really hard to know what the right approach is. You said it yourself earlier. Relationships begin as friendships. The marriage we had is gone. Does that mean a new relationship cannot be created?

The bonfire will be a good way to dispose of the old. The old must go....I agreed with this 100%. The future will be very interesting, our relationships will continue for the rest of our days because we have children. What can be created from this?
It's our choice now...

Read the other thread I have been typing on by Beatrice. Tulsa Time gave us some insight into his thoughts about his wife after his affair and hurt he caused her. Very interesting...

I have decided to let my H go and let God. I am a kind and thoughtful woman, I will treat my H the way I would want a friend to treat me. It's H's choice on how to reciprocate. I am content in the fact I have changed and done all I could to save us. What I learned is the old isn't meant to be saved. The new options and choices may be very fulfilling. Only time will tell and time will heal us all....keep an open mind to possibilities. If we let hurt stay, will will never rise above it just wallow in it.

(((((Hugs)))))

Sanderika