Trying to grow a backbone!

[soleil]

Dream is a problem when it turns to hope, and then to expectation.

This needs to be made a DB siggie somewhere!

[soleil]

If I go dark on Mr. A now, all I'll know is that he can't keep his d&(# in his pants.

Regardless of whether you go dark or not, he has told you he is pursuing other women right now. So with or without you he can't keep his d!ck in his pants.

Get tested. Not kidding.

[kat727]

Sorry it has taken a bit for me to get back with you, I have been swamped at work. first day back from surgery and all.

Anyway what I meant is you don't know if he read the e-mail, got the text etc., so there isn't anything to respond to at the moment. Don't make assumptions. Next time you speak with him you can politely ask if he read the e-mail you sent. I wouldn't make any extra effort to contact him though as that comes across as a bit needy.

As for the next part, don't let your emotions sway based on what he does or says. You need to not be dependent on him to tell yourself how to feel. Your life is yours and each day is your own. Make yourself find something good in it regardless of what Mr A does or doesn't do. I hope that makes sense and helps you.

kat

[Mrs. A]

Thanks, Kat. I did hear back from Mr. A and I don't think he liked my assertiveness. But he gave me an answer.

Also, I had a long (and not particularly productive, work-wise) day today and I'm just really tired. So I'm not too worried about what Mr. A is thinking or feeling at the moment. I'm more interested in sorting through my own mind-mash.

Oldtimer, if you look at my thread, I would like to hear your thoughts. Not that there's much to comment on now, but if you can think of anything...

I'm turning in now and wishing all of you a decent night's sleep. I would say "sweet dreams" but that would just be ridiculous.

Sincerely,
Mrs. A

[newmama]

HI Mrs. A,

Here is what I think: Is there hope for reconciliation for you? YES. BUT this is not the right time since he is sleeping around with other women. Seriously!

So, what makes you afraid to take a break from him while he is sleeping around with other women?

A break is temporary, you know?

I think you are afraid of losing him forever. Is that right?
OR you are kind of addicted to the drama of your relationship?
I am fond of you, Mrs. A! So I am not trying to sound mean but I am concerned about your unwillingness to go dark for a break to let yourself heal for a bit and get your thoughts in order.

[Mrs. A]

NM, thank you so much for stopping by! I know you've been busy as heck lately, and going through a lot (emotionally and stress-wise).

I don't know what I think about going dark on Mr. A. I am sooooooo jumbled in my thoughts. Stupidly, as Mr. A started spending more time with me, I stopped GAL'ing - including coming here and even really taking any time to reflect at all, as well as pursuing my new found hobbies and interests (golf, mainly).

But - DUH! - that was one of the things that got us in trouble in the first place. I mean spending too much time alone together and not enough time interacting with the rest of the world. It gets old fast when you work at the same job, day in and day out, with the same people, and then come home to the same house with the same person and do the same thing. Human beings need the stimulation of new experiences and perspectives, KWIM?!?!

So now I have a very disorganized pro- and con- list of going dark, which I should sort out asap! Then maybe I can answer your questions honestly, because they are good ones but I just don't know right now.

Thank you so much for posting, NM.

[Mrs. A]

HA! I busted my ass and stuffed my face so much today that I am ACTUALLY going to sleep tonight from being too physically tired and satiated to stay up - be damned my racing mind! It was the Michigan-Michigan State game, after all - and it was a real tearjearker. BA, I know you're with me on this.

How is everyone doing?

[Mrs. A]

I'm frustrated with myself because I stopped posting just when things were getting more interesting with Mr. A and me, and now I can't remember what happened! I've spent the morning trying to retrace the timeline and figure out how he basically managed to move back in and then things blew up again.

I know everyone is suggesting that I go dark on Mr. A. Aside from that, I still want to think about what changed during the month of September that made us go from what seemed like an upward swing right back down.

It's crazy. And it's sad.

[Mrs. A]

Journaling-

I had told Mr. A by email and reiterated by text that I would call him this weekend to decide a time for us to meet. I called him a few minutes ago and got his VM, didn't leave a message, and he called me back.

I said I was calling to figure out when we should meet. He said, "Meet? Well, probably not today." I said I wasn't thinking today but more like next weekend, and he told me he has to work next weekend. He asked what we were going to talk about. I said the email wasn't sufficient to sort things through, plus I needed to give him his stuff. He asked what stuff and I said his clothes.

He said he could just pick those up and I said I would rather see each other.

We weren't making much progress in the conversation - at least it didn't feel like it. He said, "So are we not going to see each other at all anymore?" I told him I wasn't sure and that's why I wanted to meet, but, "I know that I don't want you coming over to my house after work and using it as a crash pad." He said ok.

Then he told me that his work schedule was here at the house and so he really didn't know when he had a day off. I said, fine, call or text me when you figure it out, and he said, will do.

That was it.

So I guess we will meet at some point, don't know when.

[Mrs. A]

Journaling now about possible goals if I end up having a conversation with Mr. A.

Major point: He isn't willing to stop going after other women. If he were, he would have said so.

So that's that. We can't be involved anymore because I told him I wouldn't stand for it. Why do we need to talk?

Maybe we don't - but I am just once again SHOCKED by the disconnect between our expectations. Ok, ranting for a second---

#1: We HAD the "exclusivity talk" a few weeks ago!!! I told him I was NOT seeing anyone else, he told me he was NOT seeing anyone else. WTF?

#2: Even if we hadn't had that talk, he has been living out of MY HOUSE for the past month! Yes, there were a few nights that we didn't stay together, but not many. He had his clothes here, his laptop, etc.

How do you stay at someone's house all the time, have sex with them, be romantic, spend evenings together, and still think it's ok to date other people?!?!? And the person you're doing that with is someone you were married to until two months ago and you lived with for seven years????? Again, WTFFFFFFFFF?????

I don't understand the rules of Mr. A's game. MOREOVER, this INSANITY is making me question my own assumptions! I mean, was I out of line to assume that we were exclusive if we were spending every day together?

I want Mr. A to account for his actions to me. How can he rationalize his behavoir?

I wouldn't put it *exactly* that way to him, but that's what I want to know.

Grrrrr. Fuming.

Ok, thank you guys for "listening" to me go OFF!

Sincerely,
Mrs. A