He said he was so confused. He didn't know who he was anymore. He was angry at himself for not being able to figure himself out. He was so sorry for hurting me over and over with the OW. He just doesn't know what to do.
All I will say is 1) I hope and pray that he is coming out of it and 2) ACTIONS speak louder than words.
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Then he says that he feels like I betrayed him. I asked him quietly, why he thought that. (then the true reason he is on the MLC journey comes out)He said that a secret that I knew about his family for 20 years that I lied to him for 20 years by not telling him.
IMO, it may be true remorse mixed in with a little justification. Tread lightly and slowly….
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bad TAMF bad TAMF!!
FTR, if it was me I would be saying “Eric got some….eric got some” – LOL
Seriously, don’t beat yourself up over it.
TAMF, I want to share with you one of my experiences…
In October, my W dropped the infamous bomb. In Dec, we went X-Mas shopping…It was early Dec and I had just found a secret cell phone my wife had. I confronted her about it and she denied it. I remember telling her…can you honestly look me in the fu*king face and tell me your not having an emotional affair. She finally admitted it. I sat on the edge of the bed looking into our walk in closet where she was standing and I said….honey, I understand, I am not saying that you are NOT at fault here but I also want you to know that I take some of the responsibility for this.
I asked her if she loved him and she said she did not know. I told her that I would try and understand and then believe it or not we went Christmas shopping. When we came home I made a drinks for us. We sat down and started watching a movie and before you know it….the alpha male in me reached over and kissed her. She looked at me and said “I don’t want to give you hope – I have a lot to think about – maybe this will complicate things”. My response (of course thinking with….let just say not my brain)…it will not complicate things. We ended up having sex. Over the next two days. It was the last time I have ever touched her. I can remember that while we were having sex, she started to cry and hug me – she held me tight as she cried. To this day I still do not know why. I am not sure if she felt guilty or felt bad that she “opened up” to me again. At the end of the second day, she was blowing drying her hair to go out. I hugged her from behind and said that I was going to NY to visit my grandmother (in a nursing home) and that we both needed to think about things. She smiled and said yes you are right.
When I came back from NY, I asked her to end the EA with OM. She then denied it. I could not believe it. She had just acknowledged it a day earlier and now she was denying it. Fuc* - I told her that I was going to call his wife AND then….
Damn I can still remember the words…..”no I will end it because I do not want you to hurt HIM”. I looked at her and said “him” – WTF, about me. She did not respond. I then walked over to my computer and told her I was downloading the divorce documents – that I was done. Her response…”what are you quiting already”…I knelt beside her and said…I love you…what do you want from me and she said….I’m tired I am going to bed.
TAMF, I got up laid in the bed next to her and cried for what seemed like hours. She never said another word.
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That he doesn't do this to get my hopes up, but he has a lot to think about. I smiled and told him that he has a lot to think about. Take the time to figure it out, because I can't do it for him.
Read my story and see if YOU see any thing that sounds familiar from the above quote.
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You know what is the craziest thing after all of this? I am fine! totally fine! I don't have any expectations and I don't think that he is coming back to me.
Really…no expections…your totally fine. Ok.
TAMF, I hope that your H is coming out of his MLC – man I really do.
Be careful
Take it slow
TAMF – I wanted to share this story with you NOT because I want you to feel bad or to think that your H may NOT be coming out of his crisis. As I have said.. I really hope that he is. I shared this with you so that YOU can see what is the confusion that is MLC.
Remember you outlast the crisis…
Now, your interaction, your connection (staring into each other eyes) are all GOOD POSITIVE signs. Go slow, you may feel the need to pressure (like I did) – don’t. Even though you say your not gonna look at the phone – I think ya will and it is okay…just please take it slow…no pressure…no pressure.
Keeping the connection is good. Keep validating. Keep encouraging and above all…
Keep working on YOU and living YOUR life.
God Bless. Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
