THx everyone. I'm going over my entire line of threads for the past year - what an eye opener. I"ve been pretty PTSD all day - just a panicky, high-alert, highly sensitive freak out under the surface of it all. And reading back, I see why. It all makes sense now. No matter how much I empathizedw ith him, tried to see his side, give him the benefit of the doubt, work to better myself, it was days upon days upon weeks upon months of being verbally assaulted.
I realize no matter how broken I feel I must protect my son. He is such a ray of sunshine, he holds a lot of it inside. If I feel this awful under the surface, how does he feel?
The guilt I feel fighting for more custody is less than the guilt I have for not protecting him from his father's temper sooner. It was selfish of me to want to save my marriage while he was in the middle of so much rage and fighting.
I know he misses his dad, but he'll be better off in a clam environment where he gets a lot of attention and concern for his feelings.
Tonight I must outline my case, the way the abuse has progressed and affected us the past year +, and basically stand up for myself. Then the Lawyer will get it next week, fix it up, get it to the court.
Wish me luck it's terrible to have to relive all this stuff but good for me to put it on paper.
