got a life, did my own stuff. didn't talk to H at all. was "moving" on.
then 2 weeks ago, H calls and tells me he wants to "really" try. uh, yeah. i think i went into a mild physical shock for two days. this was NOT what i was expecting.
talked next day (well i mostly listened), said he wanted to try, come in this time w/ good attitude. put his "big" issues out on the table. they were not big, though, which made me wonder is he out of mlc yet? the things he said could have easily been resolved when this whole mess started if it was truly just those things.
afterwards...smiley texts, invites to things from him started. could see a spark in his eyes after so long. i was skeptical at first but it went like this for a good 10 days...so i started thinking...is he coming out of his mlc? and then slowly, i started getting excited.
few days ago, we met up for my "response." i validated his points/feelings he had brought up and then said i am willing to try...but don't want to be on trial. he apologized for last year with a 'but, i wish you had been honest with me.' do mlc'ers really believe the lbs can be honest with them and not face consequences? i learned the hard way that it's best to stay quiet and just validate actions/words no matter how crazy they are!
honestly, i have two major feelings. do i want to be with him and have things work out...yes! but also i'm so scared to go back to living on eggshells...to have him dominate my mind...and to cycle through the same thing again if it doesn't work out. i feel like i moved on and while the outside world had no idea about any of this...i myself was getting to a good place. a really good place...and i'm so scared to lose that.
plus, is this even the right time to go back? is he coming out of mlc or just cycling again? since our last conversation, there have been no texts, no invites, nothing. i'm not looking for prince charming over here (b/c based on what you have said on the boards, that doesn't happen early on...if ever!), but would feel comfy if i felt a slight interest...otherwise, what is it? loved ones want me to be protected this time around but i know that mlc is diff't ballgame and it's not so clear what that looks like...
i could really use some input from the vets or anyone who got to a point similar to this b/c i'm plain confused.
