You have walked out and so for your H the tension has gone away and now he has a mate staying with him who he can have a laugh with...............hm...........seems to me that although that is giving your H some down time from the tension and how things were, it is also giving him some distraction from it.
You have 'owned' what you did wrong and all you can do now is prove to your H that what you are saying about changing is true. He needs to SEE that, not just hear it. That is hard to do if he doesn't see you much.
What I would say is don't give up too soon - this all took a while to come to a head - your H told you how he felt BEFORE you got married and yet it continued until it got too much for him; he needs time to see the changes.
We all tend to treat the ones closest to us the worst when we are stressed. We expect them to understand and roll with it - but they are human too and in all likely hood they hurt from seeing us hurt because of what we are going through, ( with your mother etc.). and then they get hurt again when we lash out at them.
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He said today that it didn't make a difference to him if we gave things more time or if he talked to a lawyer.
In that case say you want more time - you need time to let him see you mean what you say. That aside - couples that do divorce do reconcile too- divorce is not always the end of the road.
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After so much history together and being thru so much, why is it so easy for him?
I don't expect it is easy for him BUT maybe he just thinks that it is easier to take the pain now before you become even further embroiled with one another and start a family and the such like.
Personally, I think if you really are able to behave in a better way you would be in a more advantageous position if you were back with your H. The reason for this is two fold - you let your H see your changes, (and his friend if he is still there - he may tell your H he is crazy to want to D you!!!), and it will stop this friend who has moved in turning into a permanent lodger and helping your H cope without you, as presumably this friend is offering both emotional and financial help to your H.
Have you read the thread in infidelity about Retrouvaille? I know there is no infidelity in your sitch, but retrouvaille is about teaching couples communication. It is not just for couples who have had infidelity in their M's by any means. You might do well to ask your H to try a weekend like that with you just to see whether your M stands a chance at all. It will teach you both good communication skills for life; it really makes one think about HOW you interact with your H/W. You could ask him what one weekend would be compared to not knowing perhaps later on in life if you had made the right choice.
Hopefully the link I have posted above will take you too that thread.
Situations like this are a roller coaster and I am sure your H is up and down about it all too, even though he may seem to put on a consistent front to you.
I am so sorry you are here, but don't give up; it's very early days.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
