Hey there everybody. Looks like the "forum repairs" also locked my last thread.
No problem. Time for a new stage anyway.
It has been mentioned by a few of my "closest advisors" that my W is "in crisis" as opposed to purely WAW. I'll accept that as I beleived all along there was an 'identity crisis" present in our M. What does that do to the sitch? Not much other than I need to be open to a wider range of issues if there is going to be a reconciliation at any point in the future.
Update? Sure.
I've recently been 'poked' that I am going dark- no posts, less alt contact, no real "situational discussion'; good or bad. It's true. I agree with you all.
Reasons- No real change in sitch. W still living with OM and her friend (also in mid-divorce) No legitimate evidence of that changing. It was all about me growing and learning and establsishing my "new" life.
So that's where I am right now.
I posted a list of things I was working on. There is progress here. My appt with L is next Friday...if I can afford it. May have to delay til I have get more savings.
Looks like truck IS being traded off Monday or Tuesday. That will save me 400/month
My taxes are being prepared and W's last documentation arrived. I'll pass my assessment numbers to her and ask for hers so we can split the bill/refund
Drums are almost set up completely. Been a few years since they were up so I took the opportunity to "re-do" the set up. Couple little adjusments and the insulation to stuff in the basement ceiling and a couple windows-keep the neighbors happy
Hockey started last weekend and continues every Sunday til late April. Have babysitting set up for the days I have D2. Felt great to play again. Great bunch of guys.
Her stuff is 99% compiled in the garage. After taxes and truck, I may suggest she come pick it up or send it to storage. She has no permanent residence so don't know where she'd put it but that really isn't my problem, is it?
All the flowery artwork is out of the house and replaced with more masculine or neutral stuff. Bedding is deep red; bought a TV and DVD player for the bedroom (also so D can watch her movies at bedtime) AViation art and some car models are in place of crystal/knick knacks. The house has clearly got my stamp on it.
Doing some pre-lawyer meeting stuff to gather docs and do some math to see if I can simply take over the house and cut her loose as part of the Sep Agreement.
Work is going well. Business is picking up and I should be comparitively "affluent" by Christmas. All good. Keep going!!
Spending more time with friends and family and even gaining a few extra friends. Not actively pursuing OW but nice to interact with those I meet. Can't say I'm interested in pursuing at all. That goes against who I am right now.
My medical check came back "better than expected" as there were NO issues at all. Not even a single "deficiency" in the tests. Doc was a little surprised there was nothing to even mention "to watch". Cholesterol, BP, ECG, testosterone were all "good or better". Surprised me, too. Given the last 6 months of stress.
It sounds odd (and I've had some people mention it, too) but I am beginning to feel like myself again. The new skin is getting comfortable and I'm actually enjoying myself most days. Certainly more optimistic and worry-free. Taking days "as they are" and not stressing out of "outcomes and expectations"applies to more than just my M. And it's really helping. I don'y "sweat the small stuff" anymore. I still don't like the off-weeks without D2 but sneaking in to see her at dayhome helps.
So where is my mindset? In the last week or so I have come to the realization that I need to mourn the loss of my M and my W. Neither will ever be the same. Neither will return-certainly not as they were. Quite frankly, I wouldn't want either back as they were. That's why I'm in this situation.
My M and W were what they were. It's now only a matter of framing them for memory and learning what I can from them.
How have I changed? Happier with myself. I accept and make room for my imperfections. I allow for mistakes. I make my priorities A PRIORITY! I am comfortable with people as they are "They are free to do whatever they wish with no feeling or action on my part UNTIL it affects me negatively"
It's a derivative of the old saying on rights "Your right to swing your arms extends as far as the tip of my nose"
I am in the place where time is mine. Every day without R or M or D talk is to my advantage. Every day without interaction with W is a good one in the perspective of detaching and letting her go. Just another day of focus on me.
the only thing I haven't figured out is what all the above says about me and my DB work. I don't know if this is where I'm supposed to be. It comes down to this and I've said it before- Is it working for me? Yes. Is it busting the A or the D? No
I'm not going anywhere but I am in a clear enough place that I need to do something else:
I want to take this opportunity to thank- Steady, Missherlove, Gritter, Lancesjan, Warrior, Tulsa, TH, Mach, PEI, Wonka and Ericm for their personal questions and guidance and support. And I thank you in advance for more in the future.
I want to thank SunnyD and FaithnAK for allowing me to talk my way clear in my mind by offering my assistance to their sitches. Letting me see you guys from "outside the forrest" helps me gain perspective on my own.
And I mustn't forget RobX, Greek, Sandi, Coach, and J3B for their experience and postings I have found EVERYWHERE on the board.
Special thanks for Ready2Change for compiling most of the "GOLD" in one place!!!
I'm gonna miss AllenA.
And this place will NEVER be the same without Puppy. He was one of the first to come to my aid and I know he sent up "The Bat Signal" on more than one occasion to get other "Enchanters" on my thread. Thank you, PDT!!
