Unsure

[impatientwaiting]

My H and I were together 5 yrs and have been married 5 months. We were each other's best friend, confiding, and sharing everything. I loved it. Over the past year, I had lots of added stress in my life and my mom had been in and out of the hospital suffering from anorexia. I took it all out on my H. I would gripe, complain, tear him down, etc. over some of the most insignificant things. It was terrible. He told me a few weeks b4 we got married that if this was how things were going to be, he didn't want to get married. I told him it was just stress of school, family, job, and wedding plans all at once. After the wedding, I didn't try to be better. Some days he let it go, others we would fight. In August, the week of my birthday (married 3months) he dropped the D word on me. Said he didn't want to be with me anymore. It was eye opening. I finally realized how horrible I had been, couldn't believe I could treat the person that meant the most to me that way. I apologized, took full responsibility for how I had been, and wanted to work on things. He said the damage was done. I stayed there but he would come in from work and play the same online game from the time he got home until he would fall asleep on the couch in front of the screen. There was very little conversation. He told me he wanted a D but would tell me b4 he talked to a L. I told him I would stay and try to make the most of everyday with him and maybe he would see that I was changed. Even though there was hardly any conversation between us, it seem my presence was making things worse. Some days we could laugh @ something stupid on TV, but he would immediately say something to try and push me away right after. Knowing how he deals with things, I thought if I gave him time alone he would get past it and he had mentioned me moving out anyway. I left on the hopes that with some time apart, he could move past things, i would move back and we could work on our marriage. I only took my clothes so he wouldn't think I was gone for good. I have been gone two and a half weeks today. We have talked or texted about something nearly every day I have been gone. I have seen him about six times in person for less than an hour each time in the time I have been gone. After the first week, a friend that has been having problems with his wife (she cheated on him), left his wife and moved in with H. I have been staying with my mom at her apartment. He and his friend are enjoying staying together while I'm miserable. I got married because I loved him and wanted to be with him. He said today that it didn't make a difference to him if we gave things more time or if he talked to a lawyer. After so much history together and being thru so much, why is it so easy for him? I know I was terrible but the first year adapting to things and moving in together is suppose to be the hardest and I want so badly to move past all of this. My entire attitude has changed from this experience. I am much more positive about things and don't flip out over small things. I try to stay hopeful for our situation, and most times I am. Some days he seems like time might help. But today didn't go well at all. I want to give him all the time he needs but if he doesn't think its going to help, why are we doing it? He doesn't want a relationship with me or for me to move back in but I'm holding on to maybe someday he will. . . .but I can't help but feel like he is already giving up on us for good