V1olin's new life without wife

[newmama]

Violin I actually think it is a great idea to let your xw know that she shouldn't be giving you gifts or contacting you since you are divorced. How confusing is that for the kids of divorce who have an enternal hope for their parents to get back together? How would that make her boyfriend feel? And what about your girlfriend if you were to do the same?

NO WAY.

I told her that we are divorced and we should not be getting gifts for each other. She said, "yeah, if she does not like you why does she get you stuff?"

exactly. Honestly...divorce is messy enough. I respectfully disagree with VH because we don't want to send the message to our kids that "no big deal- you get divorced, you can still be friends. So when your marriage is on the rocks or you find yourself wanting to cheat on your spouse, you can get divorced and still stay friends with your spouse."

I mean what? Here is the appropriate relationship: "Hi (babysitter/egg or sperm donor of my child and person who lied and cheated on me and left me for the OP). Anything to report? Ok! thanks for telling me. Bye!"

and then when our kids tell us they did something fun "great! Glad you had a good time."

and if the kids want to tell us about the OP- we teach them boundaries. "Sorry, honey, but I would rather not hear about him/her. You can tell your grandma or __ if you feel like it."

This message shows our kids that it is not okay to divorce. The spouses are hurt, there are things we can't talk about and that is just the way it is. That is why divorce is terrible and you shouldn't do it. Seriously, people!