I'm really not trying to be thick guys. I thought I did answer the question when I said I haven't let the old marriage die yet. Did I miss something? Oh, and the fear. That was fear he would do me bodily harm. Like, with a gun.
Do I know where I played a part in his response? Yes, I let him push me into losing my temper, giving him yet more reasoning for everything he has done to hateful punkin.
Our original emails this time around were friendly and nice. Agreeable. He became angry and spewing when I refused to change our plans to meet at his lawyer's office without mine present. He continued to spew and threaten, and then does a complete 180 degrees on me "Are we meeting at 2:00?"
Long story short - we can't communicate yet. Better the L's handle it.
I was not able to communicate with my W for a long time and then when I really stepped back and allowed her space - things change.
Quote:
Go to Eric's old threads.
I am telling you. Be careful it ain't for the sqeemish. It's NC17 for sure.
Thanks for the reminder Grit...Pun, my old post (you can search for them) was anger at it's finest. I think one of my post was called "I'm done and moving on".
You see Pun...
At somepoint you will look back on this time with different colored glass BUT
Only if you allow yourself to be changed by this
Changed for the better.
What I talk of is more than GALing..
What I talk of is more than just detachment...
What I talk about is a peace and love that transpires what "traditional" society considers...
I do not know what the laws are in your state, in mine, I will more than likely be "legally married" until next year. So, I know what I will do with that time...what about YOU (and NO GAL is not the answer).
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I don't feel mad at him. Frustrated, disappointed, jealous, all kinds of emotions but not really mad. Wouldn't punch him if I had the chance. Worried for his mental health, definitely. Case in point: You've obviously read my thread that H responded to my email with "Thanks, I'll send my list to my lawyer." This was done at about 6:30 last evening.
Before I came to this site, I checked my email. He had emailed again. Today. At 12:13 P.M.
"I also meant with the are we still on for Friday.....was meeting at the lawyers office.....I know I told you no I was not coming to Waldron....thanks...."
Would you think he's a few bricks shy of a load?
Why do I think he is in MLC? Despite his health problems and drinking, and the mental horror show in his mind while sleeping, he was above all a loving, doting grandfather. He hasn't seen some of them now in over 6 months. Doesn't talk to our kids. Tries to act as if he is 17 instead of about to retire. Scoffed at all things technical. Hated cell phones. Now has a Blackberry. Made fun of people on FaceBook. Guess what? Picks a girlfriend our oldest son's age who is into country and barrel racing of all things, and he has always hated anything to to with Country. A full blooded Ozzie Osbourne Fan. AND he hates horses.
Mad at him, no. Pity him for the waste he is making of his life, yes. Anger at the hurt he has done our children and grands, he11 yes.
FTR, I agree your H is having a MLC. MLC = Confusion.
I found this quote over in the archives.
Quote:
Mid life crisis involves ones hormonal, psychological, interpersonal, social, sexual and spiritual components.
Obviously MLC messes with ones whole body. It's no wonder they are different people from who we thought we knew.
Punkin, for as much pain as we're in, be grateful that we're not in the kind of pain the MLCer is dealing with.
It does no good to try to rationalize or reason with them for they have the capacity for neither.
You may get moments of clarity or a peek out of the tunnel. You may get a brief glimpse of the person you married, but don't blink because they duck back in just as fast. Zero expectations again will get you through.
Right now your H is at the stage where everything you do or say equals pressure and guilt. It just adds to the tremendous amount he already is feeling. He can't or won't face the issues that keep him running at this time, so he uses those things to justify his actions.
If you want a chance to possibly save and rebuild your M you must be the the safe place. Vent here to us, we're your safe place.
It takes the MLCer a very long time to come through the tunnel. If your end goal is to R then the only way to have that chance is to outlast your H's MLC.
You know there are no guarantees. That's why living your life for you is so important. You're a strong woman Punkin, you can do this.
Why do I think he is in MLC? Despite his health problems and drinking, and the mental horror show in his mind while sleeping, he was above all a loving, doting grandfather. He hasn't seen some of them now in over 6 months. Doesn't talk to our kids. Tries to act as if he is 17 instead of about to retire. Scoffed at all things technical. Hated cell phones. Now has a Blackberry. Made fun of people on FaceBook. Guess what? Picks a girlfriend our oldest son's age who is into country and barrel racing of all things, and he has always hated anything to to with Country. A full blooded Ozzie Osbourne Fan. AND he hates horses.
Pun
What you described above does argue the point that he is indeed in MLC...if it didn't make you so mad then it would really be funny that he has changed so much! Think about it...it's kinda like laughing when someone falls...I don't know why it is funny but it is and we laugh and then we catch ourselves and hope that they are not hurt! Your H's email made me laugh like that but it really is just so sad punkin!
I am sure we can all find that our S are opposite of who they were before!
All you can do is hope and pray that he will one day wake up and move forward and make right all the wrongs he is doing right now and in the meantime...LIVE THE BEST LIFE THAT YOU CAN because you deserve it!
Embrace the anger and then let it go!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Pun, doesn't this ^^^^^ deserve everything you have to give?
Just askin...
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Great ballgame last night. Now 6-0.Final score 40-13. Had a blast, but was away game and didn't get home til late.
I think, thick headed me, that what you are trying to point out to me is that even after November 17th, after papers are signed, after the couch is split with a chainsaw, that there is still a possibility of R if I'm hanging in there for him. Right?
To stop putting so much importance on a date. I myself have said it's just a piece of paper. What consumes me the most about this part of this progress, is my own financial well being. The healthcare, the ability to pay for the house, yada, yada, yada. When he contacts me, AND it always him contacting me, he starts off nice and then tries to push buttons, boss me around, back me into a corner until I come out fighting. Enough! I don't expect more from him until at least closer to court date. I myself have to make an appt. to see my attorney.
Tonight, I have friend coming over. I'm cooking, for the first time in a long time. Making Shrimp Etouffe, (used to be married to a Cajan) and watching Horrer Movies. Anyone seen 30 days of Night? I love horrer movies, and this one scares the crap out of me. Won't watch it alone. None of the Oh so handsome, breathtakingly lovely vampires in this one. Not a one.
